On August 20, 2023, this message was originally delivered to the Cherryville Campus of Bethany Wesleyan Church. If you watch that message, you’ll notice that it ends slightly differently. That is partly because August 20th is my wife, Julie, and I anniversary. For this message, you’ll want to have read Hebrews 12:1-3.
You can find the live video version of this message delivered on August 20, 2023 by clicking HERE. May this message encourage and empower the work of Jesus Christ in your life.
Sometimes I need to practice saying no. Okay, not sometimes. All the time. For the most part, I am not great at it.
You can ask my wife, I struggle with this even in little situations. At a restaurant, if I am asked – “Do you want dressing on your salad?” Hearing me say – “No, if it isn’t on the side, I send it back.” Yeah, you’ll probably never hear me say something like that. (Even if it is a great ‘Office’ reference.)
‘NO.’ How is it that such a small word carries so much weight? It really is a powerful word.
- My guess is that some of us need to learn to say no.
- Because of its weight, some of us do say it regularly, but we need to learn to say no more kindly.
- Most of us, probably need to learn a better balance on when is the right time to say no. I am definitely there.
The opposite word – ‘yes’ – is usually pretty great. It is often easy to say and it is easy to receive. We want to hear yes and we love telling people yes. The world is looking for yes. There are books out there about the power of yes. We see power is saying yes, a lot, whenever possible. Getting the chance to work in our church office and with the staff, I try to say yes whenever possible. It encourages, enables, empowers, uplifts.
I save my no’s for when they are truly needed. But isn’t that the key, sometimes we have to say no. Sometimes the biggest difference is made in a very key strategic no. We still don’t like to say it. We certainly don’t like to hear it. But that no is powerful.
In these moments together, we are talking about saying no. Not just generally, although you may find that point in some other piece of scripture. It can be a valuable habit. We’re looking at saying no in one particular conversation. And where no is concerned, it is probably the most important one. It is when no is both the hardest to say and to hear. To give and to receive. It is the no’s we say to ourselves.
We are in a message series speaking about being ‘Free to Fly’. The idea is that we want to be enabled, empowered to live out our faith. To live for Jesus. To pursue God. To live what we know of from John 10:10, what Jesus came to give us – life to the fullest, an abundant life. This understanding of saying no to ourselves plays a large part in pursuing God, in living for Jesus. So may we see the value in discovering the power of saying no to ourselves – and then actually doing it.
God, we ask that You’d be with us in this discussion. May our lives and all that we are be Yours.
Why would anyone want to say no to themselves? I get it. The whole premise of this message, this thought, sounds a little funky, a little off. Who talks about something like this? And who actually does it?
To understand why we would even think about doing this, let’s understand our goal. What is it that we are trying to accomplish?
In scripture, we are look at the start of Hebrews 12. Hebrews 12 is the chapter directly following Hebrews 11. You’re welcome, once again, math has entered the conversation! This fact actually is important. Hebrews 11 is the faith chapter. As a child, I memorized Hebrews 11:1, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11 continues to then talk about so many individuals in history that accomplished great things by faith. They believed in God and then adjusted their lives and lived with God as their priority. They lived for God. That is living by faith. “By faith Noah…. By faith Abraham… By faith Moses…” By faith, they did wonderful things.
That is our goal – prioritizing God and through that bringing about great things, wonderful things, life to the fullest. Here is where chapter 12 adds so much value. Chapter 12 actually clarifies it even better for us to live out. Our goal is to run this race, locked in and moving towards Jesus. Keeping our eyes on Him. Moving toward Him. That is living faith.
That is our goal – faith that gets us to Jesus. Jesus is the goal. What do we have to do to get to Jesus? Well, any guess it involves saying ‘no’ to ourselves?
Hebrews 12:1-3, our main scripture for this conversation. The key part that we are focusing on is a part of verse 1. In the NIV Translation it says, “let us throw off everything that hinders.” In the NLT – “let us strip off every weight that slows us down.” Others like the New King James say something more like, “let us lay aside every weight.”
It is important that we understand what is being communicated with the word ‘weight’. What are we to know? This word does refer to a weight, a mass, a heaviness. My favorite translation said – an encumbrance. That sounds fancier, doesn’t it?
There is an encumbrance that we are being instructed to put down. So what is it? That is a great question – thank you for asking such a great question! The easy answer is to just assume that it is sin. It mentions sin soon after in this scripture. It could be sin, but it isn’t limited to just sin. That is too easy.
The weight is anything in this world, in our lives, in our lifestyles, that holds us back from seeking, grasping, racing towards our goal, Jesus.
That weight, it isn’t necessarily good or bad. It doesn’t have to be something that is a right or wrong issue. It is anything that stops us from making our best effort to Jesus and for Jesus.
So we come back to this, yes this – are we willing to say no to ourselves?
At the writing of this, if you put a microphone in our house, you would hear the word ‘no’ said a lot. We have a new kitten. His name is Grogu. He is fantastic. He was rescued from our back yard. He is filled with love and energy in equal amounts.
Grogu gets told no a lot right now. My favorite, (this is wonderful) there is a certain house plant of my wife’s. We will say that I don’t love it. On the other hand, our kitten absolutely loves it. It is big, he can’t get in the pot (not sure what would happen if he could…), but he can massacre the leaves. Again, this is wonderful. He runs full tilt across the room to tackle it. He will stand cutely beside it only to suddenly rip leaves right off. It is fading fast. He hears no, but he goes right back. Clearly, he hasn’t learned no yet. Then there is our older cat, Eclipse, he hears no and he has developed an understanding. He is still a cat, but at times he even immediately course corrects.
We need to develop an understanding of how saying no to ourselves matters. May we recognize the need in our lives to have moments where we course correct.
I don’t like saying no to myself. I have to hear that from the world. I don’t want to hear it from myself. But that is what this scripture is telling us. There is a lot out there in our world – good and bad and somewhere in between. Not all of it, in fact probably not most of it, gets us to Jesus.
This is difficult because we don’t have a set of rules. And I don’t want to create one for you. I have no interest in policing this or forcing opinions on you. That leads to legalism. It isn’t what we do or who we want to be. We probably all know some clear things in this world that aren’t good for us. But there is a lot that isn’t so clear and it may impact all our lives differently.
Like so much else in this world, this is a battle with our own selfishness. We have to personally decide: Do I just want this thing, because I want this thing? Is it about me and some desire I have? Does this thing, this lifestyle, this relationship get me to Jesus, or is it a weight that is stopping God’s work and Jesus’ clear presence in my life?
Again, I won’t tell you what it is in your life. But let us ask some probing questions:
- What habits are weighing us down from getting to Jesus? I have known people, we have probably all known people that a certain substance is that thing. Does alcohol get you to Jesus? Remember – the question isn’t, “Is this bad?” The question is – “Does this get me to Jesus?”
- I got one for me – technology. This is a habit. I don’t think I watch garbage, but is my pad or phone a distraction, a weight, from who I could or should be? Understand, when this is a real thing, you will find excuses all over! For me, I need some decompression, brain time. Is that true? Yes. Do I lean into that too much? Absolutely. If I don’t say no, if I don’t set up healthy boundaries, then it definitely isn’t helping me get to Jesus.
- Relationships are a big one. What relationships am I pursuing, right now? Are they for me? Are they healthy? How do they impact others in my life? And the biggest question – do they draw me closer to Jesus? Or is something else happening? This is probably the hardest area to say no to ourselves and the easiest are to make excuses!
- What about what we fill ourselves with? Politics, opinions, where we get our news, what we dwell on, what we have to throw into conversation. It is drawing me closer to Jesus?
- And one more – what about our feelings? Please know, feelings are natural and they aren’t sin. But are we dwelling on certain feelings? Are they controlling us? Driving us? Impacting how we live? For example, is there an anger in our life that has become a weight? We like that anger, don’t we? We make excuses for it.
Relationships, lifestyle, the way we use or prioritize our money, work, issues and opinions, the stuff we own, the attitudes we have – does it get me to Jesus?
I know this isn’t fun or easy. Saying no when it matters really never is. But this is part of being a mature Christian. Taking regular moments to ask these important questions, this matters. We don’t just have easy black and white issues. Sometimes we have to say, this thing isn’t sin, but it doesn’t help me get to Jesus. So while I could say yes, for me, I will say no, for Jesus!
May we remember, this is all about Jesus. He is the goal. What Hebrews 12 also shows us is that He is also the example.
It is what He did for us on the cross. He said no. He made a hard selfless decision. He could have said yes to a decision to protect himself. Yes to comfort. Yes to power. Yes to happiness in the moment.
What does our scripture today say He did? He chose faith. He chose prioritizing God. He chose the joy that comes on the longer path, the eternal path, the course of knowing His decisions impacted the world. His faith would be the greatest faith story, the greatest story.
Yes, we may have to say no to happiness in the moment. To comfort and to power. But we have a chance to be a faith story that has an impact. And we can find joy in knowing that we are growing closer and closer to Jesus. For now and for eternity.
Are we willing to say no to ourselves?
I learned this lesson early in my ministry. I want you to know, that I still need regular reminders though. Say no to myself. Do it.
If you know me, you know I joke about my hair. My hair is fairly fantastic, right? RIGHT? I enjoy spiking my hair and having fun with it, but back in the day… Well, back in the day I had real hair. Long hair. Fantastic hair. When I first went into ministry I had wonderful long hair, that my wife doesn’t miss. (Ergo – why it doesn’t exist any more.)
I remember going to my first interview for a pastoral position. (I would get the job. You didn’t expect anything different. C’mon.) Before the interview, my dad asked me if I was going to cut my hair. I said no. They wanted someone to work with youth, the hair didn’t hurt at all. In fact, it super helped.
I remember thinking, though, if I ever needed to, I would. I really liked my hair, but I wanted to be what Jesus needed me to be more. Hair is a fairly silly thing, important to me, but I want to say no to anything that stops me from being all that I can for Jesus.
I want to make my best effort for Jesus. I want to give my best effort to Jesus.
I have learned that If I said no to myself, God could reign in my life.
- If I said no to myself, I’d have a better chance of being the husband I knew I could be.
- If I said no to myself, maybe just maybe, I could figure out this parenting thing.
- If I said no to myself, people would see Jesus in me.
- If I said no to myself, I got a little closer, and a little closer, to Jesus.
My guess is that right now we could be a little closer to Jesus. Will we do it? Will we say no to ourselves?