Author: Justin Leininger

My Pocket Knife

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Two Christmases ago I was met with a serious dilemma.  My family was unwrapping gifts and, as you can imagine, my daughter Stella (then four) was in a rush to enjoy her presents.  It wasn’t enough to just have each gift unwrapped, they had to be unboxed and enjoyed.  Here’s the issue: toy makers have conspired to seal their prizes behind ridiculous amounts of impenetrable plastic.  For real!  How much protection does a Disney Princess doll require exactly?  The answer – too much!  During that day, to keep things rolling and my daughter stabilized, I had to ask my dad on at least three occasions to borrow his pocket knife.

My ego had been hit.  I felt like my ‘man card’ was on the fritz.  This was unacceptable, I had been raised better than that.  I told my wife on that very same Christmas Day, I was getting a pocket knife and it was becoming a part of my life.

The past two years have seen a new me develop.  My pocket knives have come in handy on so many occasions (and yes I said knives – there are knives for all sorts of occasions).  It feels great when someone needs something cut or sliced and they ask if I have a knife and I can reply – “You bet – I’m a man!”  Boom – pocket knife saves the day!

My pocket knife goes with me wherever I go (well, except airports, government buildings, and certain church events).  My pocket knife doesn’t define me, but it’s there when I need it.  It’s the tool for me.

As a Christian, I’ve come to acquire a few tools that are pretty important to me as well.  One tool is so important I take it everywhere I go and employ it at every available opportunity.  It’s my smile.

I know what you’re thinking, I got suckered in with cool talk about knives and here we are talking about smiles – lame.  Don’t peace out.  My smile is the most important tool I’ve got.  It puts others at ease, it sets the tone, it offers forgiveness and hope, it states my intention, it opens a door, it peacefully brings moments to a close, and maybe, just maybe, it offers a glimpse of Jesus Christ.

There are some situations where it’s all I can offer and some where it’s all I can say.  For some people it may be all they see of me and hopefully for some it’s all they’ll remember.  A smile can lift a heart, heal a hurt, and brighten a day.

As Christians we need to smile more.  Our image hasn’t always been so great with the world.  You know this is true and in many cases that’s not going to be something we can change. Sure, I believe Jesus is the one way to salvation and that He’s the only way to the One True God.  And yes, I do disagree with the lifestyles of many people in this world.  But that doesn’t mean I have to be a jerk about it.

My God has asked me to love and to show love at every occasion.  Life is going to throw moments and opportunities for you to have an impact on someone.  When those moments present themselves, I hope you don’t find yourself scrambling for the tools to succeed.  So make sure your tools are ready and take them everywhere you go.  Smile.

Thanksgiving Key

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(The following post was written as the final of 3 5-minute messages delivered at the 2014 Bethany Wesleyan Thanksgiving Service.  To those at that service, if this sounds a little different, these are my notes slightly modified for blog form.)

 

Psalm 100:4-5 (NIV)
Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise, give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the Lord is good and His love endures forever, His faithfulness continues through all generations.

Being thankful.  Thankfulness.  Gratefulness.  Thanks.  Praise.  This is one of those safe church topics, right?  We love talking about things we’re thankful for, right?  We’re thankful for turkey, stuffing, the roof over our head, the car we drive, the shoes on our feet, the Philadelphia Eagles, and if you’re an Eagles fan, even Mark Sanchez (although as a New York Jets fan myself – might I say this may not be the best place to put your thanks…just saying).

We like thanksgiving and as Christians we are so comfortable with this topic.  Thankfulness is something we all know we should have, we don’t mind talking about, we love to express, but if it’s not over prioritized it’s not a big deal.  No one’s life is destroyed by a lack of thanks, right?  And we do usually feel thankful in the important things…

  • I’m thankful for my wife and of course kids (well except when they’re loud, tired, or smell bad).
  • I’m thankful for my work here at BWC.  Thankful for the opportunity to minister with kids and teenagers (well, again…except when they’re loud, tired, and, yeah, when they smell bad).
  • I’m even extremely thankful for my awesome co-workers.  Bethany is an incredible place to work and we have a great time everyday.  I am so thankful for those I work with (of course, maybe not so much when they’re uh…loud, and possibly when they’re tired, and uhhh…yeah, you know the rest).

Sometimes we love this holiday because we are thankful.  Sometimes we love it because of the turkey, the break, the laughs, the football.  No reason is necessarily bad.  I guess it’s just that sometimes you feel thankful and sometimes you don’t.  You can’t really force being thankful – it either is there or it isn’t.  We have seasons and that is the natural course of the world, right?  That’s okay, isn’t it?  There are times where thanks makes sense and times where – not so much.

Except that doesn’t appear to be how God works…
For the Lord is good and His love endures forever. His faithfulness continues through all generations. (Psalm 100:5)
No season, no moments, all the time, forever. 

And here’s the deal, we’re encouraged to be the same.  WHAT!?  Keep our thankfulness all the time?  For real?  FOR REAL!
Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise, give thanks to him and praise his name.  (Psalm 100:4)

I wonder…
What if thanksgiving isn’t the way we’re going to enter God’s kingdom?
What if Thanksgiving is the key to entering God’s kingdom?

This scripture doesn’t say this is what we’re going to do.  It more directly says this is how you do it.  You enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise.  This is the key.

  • Thankfulness is our accountability partner who keeps us in check as we approach heaven.
  • Thankfulness keeps life in perspective. It reminds us about all we’ve been given. It focuses the lens of life and brings in to focus all that is important.
  • Through thankfulness we can look back, recognize today, and peer ahead – knowing that God is faithful and He endures.

This past Sunday night was fantastic.  I had just finished a full weekend of stuff here at BWC.  A weekend of meaning – Friday, Saturday, and Sunday!  Sunday afternoon was spent as all Wesleyans should spend them – with a fantastic nap.  And now with my wife and kids settled in with some popcorn it was time for a Muppet’s Christmas Carol.

As we snuggled together, wife and kids surrounding me, all pressures of career, finances, housing, life – fell and faded away.  This is what I have – this is what matters.  The things of the past that were important.  The things now that really matter.  The things ahead that will make a difference.  My purpose, my belonging, my reason for being come into perspective.  My mission to entering God’s mighty gates and His wonderful courts became clear.  I had my moment of thanksgiving.

The rest of this holiday is just gravy.  Thanksgiving has come.

Allow yourself a moment of thanksgiving.  If it is alone or with friends, around a dinning table or while shopping, in the midst of activity or in a moment of peace.  Allow yourself a moment of thanksgiving to give your life perspective, focus, and purpose.  To keep you on track to entering God’s mighty gates and finding His glorious courts.

Summer Pt.3 – Vacation Bible School

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Another summer comes to an end.  For most of my life summer has meant three things – Youth Camp, Family Camp, and Vacation Bible School.  Three things that have brought so much to my life.  Three ministries that many would say their ‘time’ or ‘value’ is fading.  As I finish another ‘summer’, I amazed at the impact and life-change these events have brought and I want to share a few thoughts as to the value I see.

Who really likes hosting Vacation Bible School?  I mean seriously – the noises, the whining, the germs, and the smells (don’t forget the smells – they can be potent).  Vacation Bible School (VBS) is a ton of work and at times it feels like glorified baby sitting.  What parent doesn’t want to have a week of having their children entertained most likely for free – that’s the best, but not if you’re the ones running it!  And then, as a leader you realize that your dreams of reaching to community kids is for the most part not happening – you’re just entertaining kids from your church and other churches in the community – for real!  So really – who likes hosting VBS?

Me!  I love Vacation Bible School and while some may refer to it as a ministry of the past, I say they’re just not doing it right! I work at a church that I believe is moving forward. We’re growing and trying to be as relevant to our community and time as possible. Even so, as the years have passed I have found VBS to be only getting more meaningful to us. Here are three awesome reasons why it works for us:

1. We make a statement! VBS is a great opportunity for your church and kid’s ministry to make a statement. First – that children and families are important to you.  Second – a statement about what your children’s ministry will focus on and prioritize.  Through this event we clearly communicate we are about being a fun and safe place where children will feel welcomed to grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ.  We don’t focus on what VBS has been historically – we focus on what we want to be for children and family.

We are creative in the way we communicate the gospel, but we are steadfast in communicating the love of God and His Word.  It costs money because big, ridiculously cool things do, and we want this to be big and ridiculously cool.  Children have a lot of fun opportunities over the summer, but if they’d rather come to our VBS than something else, we’re doing something very right.

2. We recruit new leaders!  Children’s ministries need dedicated volunteers and often this is something that is hard to find.  Vacation Bible School gives you a great opportunity to get new people involved in children’s ministry.  Think about the pros:

  1. They only have to commit for one week.
  2. There are lots of opportunities to serve in low pressure roles (snacks, games, hayrides, inflatables, check-in, etc.).
  3. They get to be a part of the big cool thing happening that week.

VBS can be very attractive to volunteers and it is a great way to find new leaders who will often decide they like it and want to give even more time.  Don’t be afraid to ask people to volunteer, this is an easy commitment.  Always get background checks on everyone (ALWAYS).  Allow people to see the joy in volunteering, they may catch the bug!

3. We build relationships!  The biggest impact in ministry comes through relationships.  But when you only see a child one to three times a week for just a few hours (if that), then building those relationships can be tough.  VBS presents a huge opportunity to grow closer in just a short span of time.

Believe it or not, I have found that people like to check something out a few times, maybe even quite a few times, before they really commit to it – go figure!  (Did you catch the sarcasm?)  I have noticed that for many families that have connected to our church, it took multiple special events for them to “check us out” before they really committed.  VBS is a great opportunity to build that connection and even speed up the process as it gives you a lot of time with a family.  Build relationships with these new children and make sure to connect with their parents every time they pick-up/drop-off their kids.

We’ve created a Vacation Bible School that works for us.  For us that means no crafts, but fantastic snacks (think cotton candy, nachos, Italian ice).  We retired flannel-graphs and instead our Bible stories are shared through the use of costumes, videos, and mega-illustrations.  We like hayrides, making a mess, and renting large inflatables.  It’s not perfect but it’s pretty awesome.  Yes it still smells, it is tiring, and it does cost money.  But the statement, the new faces, and the relationships are well worth it.

Ten Years Later…

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My wife and I have never felt like we are each others ‘soul-mates’.   True story!   We’re officially 10 years in and as happy as you can possibly imagine.  Actually, probably happier than you can imagine, and very secure in our relationship.  We have our moments, our ups and downs.  Like all husbands I can have my idiot times (and like all wives, she is completely perfect at all moments – at least that is what I am allowed to say).  We’ve had some incredible victories:  a fun “how we met tale”, surviving a stretch of long-distance, a special proposal and a nice sized rock, a beautiful wedding to remember, saving our purity for the wedding night, making two different houses home, creating the two cutest kids in the world, building each others’ careers and potential, all the while finding time to snuggle almost every day (I know, barf – but it’s true and she’ll appreciate this).  With all this said, with this just being the tip of the iceberg in terms of the trust, devotion, love, and care we’ve experienced, yeah, we still won’t say we’re ‘soul-mates’.

Could we be a bit ridiculous in this?  Wikipedia says a ‘soul-mate’ is someone with whom you have a feeling of deep or natural affinity.  That doesn’t sound like a big deal – if that is all it takes then maybe Jimmy Fallon and I are soul-mates (and the person who created General Tso’s Chicken and the inventors of Mountain Dew).  I believe we usually think of soul-mates as something more.  They’re supposed to be that one person that so wonderfully matches with who we are and what we want to be that they just bring about perfection.  It drives us to start throwing up phrases like “You complete me!” and “I’m nothing without you!” or even “You make me happy!” – blah!  And this is where we have a problem with soul-mates.

The idea that I need someone else in this world in order to be completed is hilarious.  Let me be very clear – my wife doesn’t complete me, my God completes me.  And as ruggedly handsome as I am – Julie (that’s my wife) finds completion in God as well and definitely not in me.  It is almost sad to think that we have to find another person in this world to feel like life is complete, that we haven’t reached full value until we’ve found that someone. Julie adds so much to my life.  She has made me a better person in the best of ways – somehow she makes my strengths greater while helping my weaknesses disappear.  I am more because of her and I’ve gone further because of her, but I am complete because of God.

The problem is we are all lacking something in life.  We do have a hole to fill.  We want so badly to fill it. To put the pieces of life together, to give us purpose, to be appreciated and valued here on earth, and simply to not be lonely. But if we’re looking for a person to do all that, we’re going to get frustrated. What are the real chances of finding a soul-mate to make all that happen? Just ask Dwight Schrute: “Oh, not likely. Three billion women on the planet, most of them live in Asia, so the numbers just don’t add up.” (The Office, Season 5, Episode 18).

That hole can only be filled by the God we were created to seek after.  If we try to fill that hole with a person we not only give that person too much power, we set ourselves up for disappointment, and we clearly undervalue ourselves.

You’re never nothing without someone! In fact, Paul seems to feel in 1Corinthians 7 that as a single person you have more value! I have never known exactly what to do with these thoughts of his, as they seem not to work well in our culture. But they ring true to me: a single adult has the ability to much more openly give of their time to God’s service. And as a church we need to be willing to embrace single ministers and members who can give so much.

There is still the issue of happiness.  I gain a ton of happiness from my wife. In fact, if I could give any “single and looking” person advice on finding a good match, it would be to find someone who makes you smile and laugh a lot!  You can figure out how to make a lot of things work in a relationship, but laughter is often either there or it’s not, and you want it to be there.

With that said, happiness is a decision.  I choose to find happiness in my wife.  Without her it would have been up me to choose to find happiness in something else.  Hey, there are quite a few married people not choosing to find happiness in their spouse.  To those people I would say the opportunity to change your decision is yours to take.  Whatever your life is like, God has given you the opportunity to choose happiness.  That’s on you and no one else.

For my devotions I have recently read the book of Ecclesiastes (not high on my list of Bible books to just read for fun…).  A part of chapter 5 stuck out to me that I feel pertains here:

18 Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them, and to accept their lot in life. 19 And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life—this is indeed a gift from God. (NLT)

It is up to you to enjoy what you have and that is indeed a gift from God.  I don’t think God specifically made Julie and I for each other.  We were given an opportunity and we found happiness there.  We made a marriage covenant and I do believe God will bless that as we hold firmly to it.

These have been the best 10 years of my life and I look forward to the next 10, they’re going to be even better.  And yours could be as well – find fulfillment and completion in God, not in something here on earth, know that you have incredible purpose and great opportunities to bring meaning to your life and the Kingdom of God, and lastly remember that you get to choose to be happy, don’t let what you have or may not have steal your joy in life.

Summer Pt.2 – Youth Camp

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Another summer comes to an end for me.  Now maybe summer isn’t officially over, but for me it is.  For most of my life summer has meant three things – Youth Camp, Family Camp, and Vacation Bible School.  Three things that have brought so much to my life.  Three ministries that many would say their ‘time’ or ‘value’ is fading.  As I finish another ‘summer’, I amazed at the impact and life-change these events have brought and I want to share a few thoughts as to the value I see.

Throughout my life, especially my teenage years, there have been different versions of me.  Let me explain.  There was School Justin, Jr. High Soccer Justin, Family Justin, Church Justin, Cross-Country Justin, and the list could go on and on.  Different versions of me for the different places, people, and cultures in my life (and man was it awkward when some of those cultures collided – I know you’ve been there!).  Of all the “Justins” out there though, my favorite to be was always Youth Camp Justin.

What makes Youth Camp Justin so special?  Youth Camp Justin was the best!  He was free from all the restraints and pressures of the society around him to fit in and meet a social norm.  He was a Justin who didn’t have to work at looking out for himself because he was in a place where he was accepted and loved.  He was a Justin proud of the God and Savior he followed and to whom he devoted his life.  He was unashamed of serving Jesus and excited to stand as an example for Him.  Youth Camp Justin was on fire, courageous, hopeful, and light-hearted.  He  could light up others’ lives so easily with his steadiness and patient smile.  Ready to say to the world, “You be you, I’m going to be like Jesus.”

Few places in life so easily allowed me to be that person.  There were glimpses of that person at home and church, but the nature and culture of youth camp so easily brought it alive.  Every year of youth camp it became my dream to be that person all the time, for there not to be different versions of Justin but for me to become completely and utterly the Justin I liked so much.

As much as I wanted it to, it didn’t happen immediately.  Pressures are tough, wanting to fit in is real, confidence isn’t just bought, friends aren’t always helpful.  But that person I was at youth camp started to make a difference.  It was that version of me that made a pledge of purity and stuck with it.  It was that version that kept me away from drugs, alcohol, and tobacco.  It was that version that found life in spreading hope and seeing God’s light open others’ hearts.  And year after year, youth camp after youth camp, that Justin slowly took over, slowly came to dominate every part, every aspect, every avenue of me.  Today, I like to believe that every part of my life is that Youth Camp Justin.

I believe so strongly in youth camp.  Sometimes I am pretty sure I slightly offend people when I try to promote this event to them.  I probably come off a bit strong, a bit dramatic (that does sort of fit with youth ministry though – am I right or am I right?).  I simply want so badly for every teenager to see the youth camp version of himself or herself.  To have a chance to dream about what life would be like if they became that person.

Parents and leaders of teenagers – I could try to sell you on the opportunity to see great speakers, to participate in dynamic worship, to experience great events and building moments, or even plug the greatness of 5 teenager-free days!  Instead, I’ll simply ask this – Have your teenagers had a chance to see the best version of themselves?  To dream about the person in Christ they could become?

Teenagers – Life doesn’t have to be about fitting in.  You don’t have to settle for society’s desire for who you are and how you’ll live your life.  Find the best version of you, the you YOU love to be, and bring that version to life everyday.

As a pastor I hear so many stories about youth camp.  Stories of husbands and wives meeting at camp or dramatic moments of teenagers accepting Jesus Christ for the very first time!  These are the best.  I didn’t find my wife at camp and I had already accepted Christ into my heart at least 7 times before I was considered a teenager.  But youth camp is where I met the best version of myself and for that I’ll be forever grateful.

Summer Pt.1 – Family Camp

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Another summer comes to an end for me.  Now maybe summer isn’t officially over, but for me it is.  For most of my life summer has meant three things – Youth Camp, Family Camp, and Vacation Bible School.  Three things that have brought so much to my life.  Three ministries that many would say their ‘time’ or ‘value’ is fading.  As I finish another ‘summer’, I amazed at the impact and life-change these events have brought and I want to share a few thoughts as to the value I see.

 

The Family Camp I grew up attending had very little amenities to offer.  There was no swimming pool, fairly questionable bathrooms, minimal space for activities, and a dining room that I’m not sure I ever had the courage to eat from.  I loved it!

You may think I’m kidding, but Family Camp was the best!  For one reason and one reason alone – the people.  People of different ages, backgrounds, and lives with basically one connection – Jesus Christ.

Family Camp is about one big purpose – people investing in one another.  I see this happen in a lot of ways and it allows us to see the value that Family Camp can still have today:

1. Strengthening Families.

One of the things I love about Family Camp is the opportunities for family members to grow individually while also being together and growing as a family unit.  There is the attraction and value of the age geared activities but plenty of time for families to purposefully unpack everything together.

Too often I worry that church ministries add to the world’s ability to pull family members in different directions.  Camp offers a wonderful opportunity to slow down and be together.  For myself Family Camp meant time with siblings, grandparents, parents, and more.  For my daughter it has already meant special time with daddy, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.  It still amazes me that people take actual vacation time to spend on Family Camp.  But what could be more valuable to your family than this?

2. Building Connections.

The book Sticky Faith speaks about the importance of young people (and I believe any aged people) having relationships with mentoring Christians outside of their families.  These individuals don’t even have to be mentors per se, just invested people.  But how to form these at church?  Not a lot of time while passing the offering plate or during your church’s ‘moments of friendship’ (this is what we call the awkward handshake time during service that some love but most of us panic at and remember to stock up on hand sanitizer for – just kidding I love this time…really…) is given for building relationships.

If only there were a magical place (with cement bathrooms) that was filled with snack shop, volleyball, small group, and countless other moments basically making connections impossible to not form. Do the members of your family have enough positive connections to church and God?  Do you?  Family Camp is a great place to build those meaningful relationships.

3. Fostering Belonging.

As a pastor who often works with youth, I have grown to understand the importance of having a place to belong and not just for teenagers but for everyone.  We all need safe places that accept and love us.

Growing up as a Christian at a public school, on high school sports teams, and with a ‘secular’ job (Do we call Sheetz a ‘secular’ job?  Does anyone use the word ‘secular’ anymore?) it was incredible having this ‘breath of fresh air’ place to get support at being me.  It felt like an extension of home.  Do you and your family have places like this?  Safe places, where you get support in being the person God has called you to be.

Okay, Family Camp may not be for everyone – there is the whole ‘camp’ aspect.  I found a little sweat, a little exhaustion, and even a little smell is always worth the people who have and will continue to impact my life greatly.  32 years and they still make me want to go back – every year.

 

Value (3 Powerful Things to Communicate to Your Children)

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I find it funny to realize that for a chunk of my life the most valuable thing my wife and I owned was her wedding ring. Early in our marriage it was easily worth more than both our cars combined (although my Mazda Protege was really something special in a “how are you shaking so much but still running” sort of way). Like everyone else, I have things that I feel hold value (just look at my shoe collection), but I never understood being responsible for something of true value until I had kids.

I take parenthood very seriously. I am responsible for health, growth, laughter, and learning. There are so many integral parts to being a parent and they’re all important – but the development that I take most seriously is that of character. I desire for my children to not just be Christians, but to live a life that exudes the character of Jesus Christ. I want them to be shining lights for God through action, attitude, and word.

Making that happen is a lot easier said then done. Somehow my parents did it with five kids. I don’t totally know how they did it, but I know a few keys that I have tried to emulate. One of those keys is the communication of values. There are three specific things that they valued that I believed was passed to each of us five. Three values that if I can pass on to my kids I know I’ll have taken a huge step in the right direction.

1.  To value God.

Did you ever have to leave soccer practice early to go to church?  Oh man, I did – every, single, fantastic, friends watching, Wednesday.  Could it have hurt to miss a few Wednesday night church activities?  Probably not.  Did I learn anything incredibly fantastic on those nights?  Nothing life changing (although I did win the all prestigious CYC John Wesley Award – which currently resides in my office…with a mustache sticker on it).  Would I be any different today if I had missed those nights and been able to stay at soccer practice?  I doubt it.

Yet every Wednesday night I had to stand up in front of my friends, the ‘cool’ kids, my coaches, and others and leave practice to go to church.  I probably didn’t learn anything huge or have a life changing moment on any of those nights, but I learned one super valuable lesson – God comes first.  I feel like we make so many excuses to put God in the back seat.  There is no excuse not to pray, no reason not to invest time into God’s word, and no schedule full enough to stop you from steadily worshiping God with others.  God comes first.

How have you taught your children that God comes first?  How have they seen you put God before other things?  Following God isn’t an “if or when” – it is very clearly a “before all else.”  If I can get my children to grasp this, think about the base their life already has.  Boom!  I mean seriously – boom!

2.  To value others.

Growing up I can remember multiple quiet family nights that were ruined by the ring of the doorbell.  It could have been a lot of things – the couple down the street having marriage problems, a person from the community in need of physical or financial help, or maybe just someone who decided to “visit.”  For my parents it meant that even though they had already had a busy day – their evening was gone.  Don’t misunderstand, they made lots of time for family and when needed they set boundaries with people, but so often when others needed help they were there.

As a kid on the inside I saw the “bother” this created (I know, I know – ‘bother’ what am I, British?).  These nights were a hassle, a pain, an interruption.  But this is the kind of thing you do when you care about people.  I can remember my mom in the midst of a battle with breast cancer taking time for others expecting nothing in return.  People have value.

To me this is what being like Jesus is.  This is what it means to be a ‘Christian.’  To love others doesn’t mean we give up what we believe, nor does it mean we have to ‘be fine’ with everything someone else wants to be.  It means we think they’re important enough to give them our time, our care, our attention, and our love.  If my children weakly value others they’ll be fine allowing people to walk life where they are. If they truly value others they’ll have a burning desire to bring people to Jesus Christ.

Have your children seen you put others first?  Have they seen you make selfish decisions or sacrificial decisions?  Are you someone they and others can bother or do they know not to take your time and space?  Again, think about a child who grows to value God and then others.  That might just be scriptural (wink – Matthew 22:36-40).  That might just be super powerful.

3.  To value themselves.

In the Leininger household we rarely went halfway with something. If you were involved with something it was expected that you gave it your all and succeeded. In school there were really just two grades: the expected ‘A’ and the sometimes with a good excuse “B”. I don’t remember getting anything else and I am not sure what would have happened if I did. Sports brought the same expectations. I can remember after one soccer game my father telling me to not worry about the coach and about passing but to just get the ball and go. Don’t get me started on his lamentations about me dropping baseball to play soccer. He knew I was good at baseball (I was pretty much shut down at second base and I did score the winning run in my 6th grade championship game) and success was the goal.

I didn’t always enjoy some of those pressures at the time, but looking back I am thankful for them now. I was taught to expect to succeed and to work, to be aggressive, and to strive to make that reality. And this wasn’t just with grades this was with everything, this was with life. I am valuable.

My heart, my mind, my purity, my knowledge, my potential, my future, my love, my work – it all has value. Our children are so valuable. Our culture teaches them to give it all away to join the crowd. Be different – help them see the value they possess.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 – Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Remind your children they are of value. Set some expectations, demand that they work hard. Allow them to fail, make sure they know it is okay to come in 2nd, 3rd, and even 15th. But don’t stop raising the bar and pushing them to try harder, reach farther, and be more than society’s norm. They are worth it.

I absolutely believe that when anyone grows to value these three things in the right balances great things happen. God first, others second, and never forgetting that God paid a lot for us and we have value too.

Whether you impact the next generations as a parent, a teacher, through church, or as a service to your community – take time to communicate value. Model it in your life and share it with your time and God given opportunities.

To All the Sons

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I never really had a room of my own as a kid.  Okay, I had my own bedroom, but it was never totally mine.  My mother liked things clean and in order, so I could never do much with “my room”.  Toys and games were not left out, my bed was always made, shelves neatly arranged with perfect spaces between objects, even my hermit crab and his abode were tidy.

I could try to fight this if I wanted.  Leave out a lego castle, miss the hamper with a dirty shirt and leave it on the floor, or do the unthinkable – make my bed without properly tucking the bed spread around the pillow.  Give it five minutes and this “error” would be corrected.  No comment would be made – this would just happen.

Now it may sound rough but it wasn’t that bad, not bad at all, my mother cared about me and so she took care of me as she thought best and that meant an organized room.

From the beginning of time I believe that mothers and sons have been fighting the battle of “mother knows best” and for the rest of time this will continue.  It has already started with my own wife and son as it does with all mothers and sons – the battle to wipe the face clean.  Oh how my son hates this attention and he puts up a wonderful fight, but his face always ends up clean.

This battle will continue – clean jeans, tucked in shirts, cow-lickless hair, washed cleats, shaved faces, organized entertainment centers, and maybe even a hung-up towel in the bathroom.  To all the sons out there – we can fight these things, but the sooner you realize that you won’t win, the easier your life will be.

All sons deal with this to some degree or another.  But what happens when the “interference” gets more serious?  It is one thing to have your life impacted at home – but what do we do when mom wants to interfere with the rest of life?  When she starts cramping our style, killing our mojo, and squashing our vibe?

Will we let mom interfere?

When I was around 15-16 I had my first girlfriend.  Now in reality this was just the first girlfriend that my parents found out about (you know how that is, right?) – so really this was more like girlfriend #3 but who is counting (okay, I was for sure!).  I remember having a lot of pressure with this girlfriend.  My friends were expecting me to “make some moves” as it were, the girl seemed to have some expectations, and even my dorky calculus teacher was for some reason telling me to “solve for x” (okay he never said that but he was oddly involved and I couldn’t resist the joke – math teachers, right?).

It was in the midst of all this that I can clearly remember my mom wanting to have a talk with me.  It wasn’t that talk (my parents were with it enough to know that a day at public school equals more knowledge than any “birds and bees” conversation could supply) – no it was a very different talk.  She told me it was nice that I had a girlfriend.  She told me that this girl seemed sweet and was pretty – I had chosen well.  Then she told me that I was not to hurt this girl. And she looked me in the eyes and we both knew what that meant.

Cramping my style.  Killing my mojo.  Interfering with life!  With a few words and one look she had done it all.  Now what was I supposed to do?

Well I can tell you what I didn’t do – hurt that girl.  Not because I didn’t want to.  Not because she didn’t want me to.  Not because my friends didn’t want me to.  Not even because my calc teacher didn’t want me to.

No, I didn’t because my mom didn’t want me to.  And because she was the one person courageous enough to sit me down and tell me not to. And because, while she told me not to hurt the girl, I knew that she really cared about me and the real person she was protecting was me.  My life.  My heart.  My soul. My future.  She took care of me in the only way she knew how.

To all the sons out there – will we let mom interfere?

Yeah we will!  Because she loves us.  Because more than any person on earth she wants what’s best for us.  Because she has the courage to make the difficult choices for us and say the difficult things to us.

To the young men out there – give your mom a break.  Listen to her words, put up with her guidance, and respect her wishes.  You may not understand all that she wants for you, but if you know she loves you and wants what’s best for you then you know enough.

And to the mothers out there – keep washing our faces, keep interfering, keep cramping our style.  We need you.  We need you to never stop believing in us.  And most importantly we need you to step up for us when no one else will.

Unfortunately for me, my mother is gone.  She now resides in heaven with God.  Meanwhile, here on earth the impact of her life, her heart, and even her interferences lives on.  Her efforts still live on in the relationships I have with my own wife and kids.  They and I reap the benefits of her decisions for me.  To all the sons out there – thank God for your mom and keep her close.

Food Coloring – Sharing the Gospel in a Fun, Simple Way

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If you are regularly speaking to children, youth, or adults you know it is always nice to have an ‘ace’ up your sleeve.  That go to message you can pull out when needed and hit a home-run.  I’d like to share a children’s message that has been this to me.  Now don’t stress!  For those who know me, you know I like to be ridiculous (you also know I love using that word).  A normal children’s message for me means explosions, costumes, characters, game shows, large give-a-ways, candy, and more (the best is a servicepocalapse that includes all of those).  While I love those things – this is not that.  I wanted to share something that anyone can pull off with just a little preparation.

First, a few thoughts about speaking with children.  If you are going to share the message of Jesus Christ with children, you need to figure out your goals.  What are they going to take away?  What kind of impact do you plan to make?   Here is the point of this message:

  1. To clearly communicate the steps of salvation from our sins through the one way – Jesus Christ.
  2. To make that message easy to remember.  Let’s give children a foundation to begin to build upon in their relationship with Jesus Christ.  They will probably have many more ‘decision’ moments in their lives, so let’s keep the specifics easy to remember for the future.
  3. To give an opportunity for children to make a step in their walk with Jesus Christ.  Maybe this is the first time they’ve been given the chance to accept Jesus Christ into their life.  Maybe it’s the 43rd time.  Who knows what this moment will mean to them.  Always remember to encourage them to share any big decisions they have made with their parents and with leaders in your ministry.  Help to stimulate conversation and the lasting impact of a decision.

You may laugh when you learn the method I have used to share Jesus Christ.  Yes, it is based upon the ‘Wordless Book’ (or the colors that represent the steps of salvation).  You’re thinking, “Wasn’t this popular in the 80s (or the 60s and 70s – I don’t go back that far)?”  True!   True!  But I have used this message 10+ times and it never fails to draw kids in and even those that have witnessed it multiple times still find themselves enjoying and listening.

Here is the set-up. You’ll need five glass containers, food coloring, clear pitchers of water, and possibly a towel. For the five glass containers, tall serving glasses can work but I prefer something larger like a tall, 3-5 inch thick in diameter vase. You will set those containers up before time (in a line parallel to the audience) and put food coloring in the appropriate vases. From your right to left (left to right for the audience), place black coloring in the first container, red in the second, nothing in the third, yellow/gold in the fourth, and green in the last. Test the amounts of coloring needed ahead of time, you’ll want the colors to be vibrant. To keep the mystery of what is to come, you may want to place the glass containers on a colorful tablecloth or place a towel in front of them. Also feel free to cover the entire setup with a towel or tablecloth so kids can’t sneak a peek ahead of time.

Remember, you can use this as a stand alone message or (as I often do) as the conclusion of a message or service. Either way, when you are ready to begin, pick up your first pitcher and begin to fill the first container. Get ready to hear ‘ohhs’ and ‘ahhs’ as the water changes from clear to black. Then share the following:

  • The Black Glass – Each and everyone of us have made mistakes.  We have hurt others and have been disobedient to God.  These mistakes or wrongs we call sin, and it separates us from God.  We think of the color black because we think of sin making a dark mark on our hearts.  This stops us from having connection with God – here on earth and with Him in heaven.  People have tried for so long to try to remove this mark on their lives, with no success. Thankfully, God loves us so much that He sent Jesus, His only Son, into this world.  (Romans 3:23)
  • The Red Glass – Jesus lived a perfect life and then He made the ultimate sacrifice for us by dying on the cross for our sins.  We think of the color red because of the blood that Jesus shed for our sins.  (Romans 5:8, Romans 6:23)
  • The White/Clear Glass – Because of Jesus’ sacrifice we have an incredible opportunity.  To confess our sins and believe in our hearts that through God’s power we can be saved and forgiven of our sins.  Our lives are washed clean and clear and the marks of sin in our lives disappear.  (Romans 10:9-10)
  • The Yellow/Gold Glass – The first thing this does is allow us to spend forever with God in heaven!  We can live life secure in knowing that we have heaven to look forward to!  And we can celebrate knowing that God has conquered death!  (John 3:16, John 14:3)
  • The Green Glass – The second thing (and just as important) is that we get to live life here on earth with God influencing and guiding our lives.  He has an incredible plan for you!  You are special and unique and He wants you to dream big and accomplish great things with your life!  (John 10:10)

You can switch around the Yellow Glass and the Green Glass in order depending on how you are shaping your message.  End by giving everyone an opportunity to accept Jesus Christ into their lives by joining you in prayer.  I have delivered this message to combined child, teenager, and adult crowds – don’t seclude any group, they may very well respond to the clarity of this message.  Remember the importance of asking anyone who made a decision to share that decision with family, friends, and leaders.

The wordless book is definitely not a new approach and I don’t know where I got the idea to use food coloring to display it.  But it always amazes me that the children who approach me afterwards are not just flabbergasted at how the water changed colors but are filled with a clear understanding of what the message was about.  Get creative for your crowd!

The Family Room (and 3 Questions Parents Should Ask Themselves)

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There are quite a few reasons why a small house isn’t great (Reason #9 – When you cook bacon, everything smells like bacon.  You think that’s a good thing, but it’s not.).  With that said, there is one great reason why I love our small house.   All our activity happens basically in one place.  We snack, watch TV, read, work, do crafts, play video games, surf the internet, play on our iPads, and so much more within an arm’s reach of each other.  As our family grows bigger I know we are going to upgrade.  But however large our house is, our plan is to make sure to create a ‘Family Room’ or space, so that this closeness never disappears.

A ‘Family Room’ is not just that room you allow your kids to trash (that’s just called I don’t want to have to pick up after my kids or train them to pick up after themselves).  Having a true ‘Family Room’ means creating a place where your family co-exists together.  It doesn’t mean having to do the same things together (although it could sometimes), it means doing the separate things you love together – in the same space and time.  This sounds simple, almost not worth mentioning, but it can do wonders for any family!

Do you need a family space?  Let’s pose three questions to help find your answer.

1.  Have you had the opportunity to speak with your children about the things most important to you and them?  Do you know where their spiritual life is at?  Have you connected about their future?  Do you know their dreams and desires?  You probably don’t need to explain the ‘birds and the bees’, but have you communicated about your hopes and expectations for them as they enter into relationships?

Communication.  Relationships are built on communication (and good food – you want to make a relationship better, get some Chinese food).  In today’s culture, family schedules are more hectic than ever.  It is amazing to me the busy life that even our 4 year old has.  All parents should be intentional about talking to their children about the important things in life.  If you are not influencing their thoughts in these areas – who is?  Parents – give yourself opportunities to have these conversations, you should be the biggest influence in their lives right now.  All children need time to process things, to understand the ‘whys’, and to hear things from their parents’ hearts.  Create a safe place with safe moments where communication can flow.

2.  What are you allowing into your house unmonitored?  Who are you allowing your children to invite into their bedrooms and other private places in your house through the use of social media and technology?  What are you children watching on TV?  What are they seeing and sharing on their iPhone, iPod, iPad, computer, Xbox, etc.?  Are you monitoring your children’s use of apps?  Have you even heard of Instagram, SnapChat, Kik, Yik Yak, Whisper, and Down to name a few?  And do you know if your children are using these?

Accountability.  Everyone, not just children, need to be held accountable for their social media and technology use.  The danger is three-fold:  What are you seeing?  What are you sharing?  Who is getting private information about your family?  What would happen if the use of all these things took place while your family is together, close together?  The use of these devices are so much safer when parents are around.  And let’s be honest, this is great for us adults as well because our filter is in place when little ears and eyes are around.  We can’t hide ourselves from the use of social media, electronic devices, and entertainment.  But we can learn how to use them properly together.  Create rules and standards for your family’s use of these things.  Protect your family, make temptation difficult.

3.  Do you ever feel distant from your family?  Does your home feel like home or is it just a place to rest and fuel?  Is your house a safe place that your family can retreat to?  Do your children ever have moments where they’d just prefer to be at home?  Does it feel like your family is working together or drifting apart?

Harmony.  Harmony doesn’t mean doing the same thing, it means doing different things and allowing them to blend together in a wonderful way.  I know this sounds touchy-feely and nobody wants that (but you can handle it).  I love when my family is all together.  I am the youngest of five children and usually twice a year all of us get together.  It is the best.  Even in the moments when we’re not doing anything officially together, just being together feels so much like home.  With my own wife and kids there is nothing better than a lazy Saturday morning, when we’re just together.  Life feels right.  Make sure your home is not a glorified hotel room, but a place your family grows together.

Sure, a small house isn’t always great (Reason #21 – You can’t sneak a piece of chocolate without being discovered.).  Some of us spend tons of money so that we have a place we can actually spread out in.  But how is spreading out actually helping you?  Keep your big, medium, or small house – just make sure your family has a place to come together and connect.  Create a safe place to explore what the world has to offer and make sure that needed conversations happen in a place where everyone can open up their hearts.  It will take time, effort, and possibly some inconvenience, but your family is worth it.