Family

What is Love

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1 John 4:7-10 (NIV) – Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.  This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

When I first started dating my now wife, Julie, she didn’t exactly make things easy for me.  Maybe she had a plan, maybe she was playing hard to get, maybe she was messing with my mind (okay that’s probably guaranteed, haha), but probably it was just her nature.  One of the things I have always loved about her is how she never takes for granted the feelings of her heart.  And I wasn’t going to get her to share something that wasn’t true, even if it left me in an awkward moment (not that I’m not used to that!).

Before we ever knew each other we shared a class my freshman year, her sophomore year, at Houghton College.  She doesn’t remember me being in the class.  Classic.  That just lifts your ego!  We did share a class my junior year, her senior year, that she does remember.  I want to say she remembers me because I was extremely handsome by that point (I’m not ruling this out as the reason), but she probably more strongly remembers me because I stared at her during the class.  Not just a little staring, like a lot, an awkward lot, every single class.  But there she sat, and she just stared back.  Confident.  Secure.

I thought she looked perfectly beautiful, so when that semester ended, and I lost my chance to stare at her, I made sure to track her down and ask her out (first words – “So, you’re Julie right?” – I got skills…).  One moment of hanging out turned into another and then another.  She seemed pretty special.  The moment came where I thought this should be real.  I wanted her to know that I was committed to her.  So I asked her to be my girlfriend, you know, make this official.  Good idea, right?  This is what girls want, right?  Someone forgot to tell Julie that.  She told me no, but to ask again in two weeks.  There’s that awkward moment.  Thankfully she didn’t make me hold on for two weeks.  One week later she told me she couldn’t wait that long – ask her now (I told you I was good looking – stop doubting!).

As things progressed I knew this was right.  I had dated other girls before, but Julie was different, this was clearly right. And so I thought it only made sense for me to tell her that I loved her.  And so I did!  Once again – good idea, right?  This is what girls want to hear, right?  Lock the guy down, get him emotional, did she want it in writing or something? So I do this, tell her I love her, only for her to follow that up with silence.  Hey awkward moment, nice of you to come back.  Yeah, why don’t you just set up a tent, this could be a while.  Three days later.  Three days later, she tells me she loves me.  This is why I love her.  She had to make sure, if she was going to say it, then it was really how she felt.  Yeah, marrying her was a good decision.

This is all the more meaningful because love has gotten distorted over the past, I don’t know, 2000 years.  We see different definitions of love all over the place.   What love truly is has gotten bogged down by pressures of attraction, lust, butterflies, physical appeal, attention, desire, and the list goes on and on.  In so many ways the word, love, has lost all meaning and value.  What does it even mean any more?  If we think we have it, want to say it, want to share it, what really is it?

Love is what life is to be about if we are Christians.  This is what we’re supposed to stand for.  Jesus tells us the two most important things we can do are to love God and to love others.  So what are we to understand love as?  Where can we go to get a great look at love?

The answer is found very clearly in 1 John 4 – the greatest example of love comes from the One Who created it, Who perfected it, Who is it.  God is love and He is the supreme example of love.  He showed us what love truly looks like – unselfish, unconditional, undeserved.

He made a sacrifice. And as this passage says, not because we love Him.  He made the sacrifice because He loves us.

In a world confused at what love is – all we have to do is look to God.  If we want to know what love is, we look at what God did for us.  He is love and He brought love alive in our world; He showed us what it truly could become.  Sacrifice, care, trust, giving, and so much more – that is love, clearly shown from God above.

So match this up in your life.  Take a few days if you need to, leave someone in an awkward moment.  If you feel that there is love in a relationship then that love has to match what we know love to be from God.  Love means there are unselfish and undeserved actions of trust and care.  Following God’s example – if we think there is love, then there will be clear moments of sacrifice.  God’s love shows little of attraction and attention but a clear example of dependability and faith set by continual moments of care and sacrifice.  And take that further – if you have confessed love of someone – that means you have a true desire to be trustworthy, to be dependable, to place yourself on the line for them, deserved or not, and to sacrifice daily with all you have.  If your intention is to love, then these must be there.

Do you have love in your life?  I hope so, just make sure it is real.  I know I’m a pretty lucky guy.  Three days are clearly worth knowing she loves me and knowing this love is real.

When Life is Best

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(The following post was originally written as an essay for admissions to Wesley Seminary.  The point being to give a quick look into the testimony of my life.   A few changes have been made to make it blog-ready.  I hope you enjoy.)

One of my favorite things about being a father is the complete faith my children place in me.  They know I am their father, they know I love them, and they know how special they are to me.  I have demonstrated this to them through my words, my hugs, and my actions throughout their lives.  So moments come where they trustfully place their safety in my hands.  While my son has reckless desires, even my daughter, who is sometimes shy and all the time cautious, loves to find moments to fling herself off a high surface into my arms.  She knows her hope lies in me and her faith says that I’ll catch her.  And catch her I do.

From an early age, I learned that life was best when my faith and trust were placed in God.  I am the son of a Wesleyan pastor and grew up at the Port Ann Wesleyan Church in central Pennsylvania.  Like most kids growing up in church, I can remember multiple moments of decision in my relationship with Jesus Christ.  They happened as early as age five, were brought about through many experiences including camp meetings and movies about the rapture (there is this scene with a guillotine that still haunts me…), and came to maturity through my final years of youth camp.

While all of these moments hold value to me, the experience that truly cemented my faith and certainty in Jesus Christ came through the life and walk of my mother.  When I was around 10 years old my family was informed that my mother had breast cancer, and that it was severe.  In fact, we were told that she had little time to live – doctors were expecting three months.  As my mother began chemotherapy, with no where else to find help, we all turned to prayer.  I can still clearly remember lying in bed at night begging God to save my mom.  And He did.

To the amazement of the doctors, God saved my mother.  She won her first battle with cancer and then throughout the next 8-9 years she would do the impossible and win again and again, as the cancer would appear in new parts of her body only to be defeated.  I cannot tell you in words what an experience like this can do for the faith of a young Christian.  But I can say that I learned to again and again throw myself towards God’s arms knowing and believing that He would catch me.

My mother’s impact on my life doesn’t stop here.  See, it wasn’t just that she defeated cancer.  Her continual dependance on God, her strive to seek His will and follow Him, and her dedication to spiritual growth and development of character was incredible!  She was, and still is, everything I want to be as a Christian – loving, humble, and so filled with hope.  It wasn’t until my freshman year of college that I found out the depth of her love.  As I often prayed for God to save my mother, she prayed to simply live long enough to see her last child, me, raised and off to college.  It is almost too perfect that when she did go home to heaven it was after twice visiting me at Houghton College and seeing that her prayers were answered.

Matthew 18:3 (NIV) – And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

In Matthew 18, I believe Christ isn’t talking about simply believing like a child, but having the humility of a child.  Saying to God not only do I trust you, God, but my life is Yours, do with it as You will.  May Your will be done with my life.  That has been my goal, to continually throw myself into God’s arms and to allow Him to do with my life as He sees fit.  As is always the case with God, He has taken me to places that I never expected.  It is through God’s hand that I went to Houghton College debt free.  At Houghton and without my understanding, God gave me opportunities to serve that provided leadership and creative ministry experience that I would use in years to come (like dressing in a kilt and leading a team of young men in obnoxious cheers…seriously).

After Houghton, God guided me to the first job I applied to, being the Assistant/Youth Pastor at Pine Grove Wesleyan Church. At no point in my life had I felt a specific call to youth ministry, yet I quickly found that God had given me the gifts and graces to excel.  In one year’s time, feeling like I couldn’t possibly be the best candidate, I was asked to become the District Youth President for the Penn-Jersey District.  What a blessing this opportunity has been!  In 2008, God guided me to Bethany Wesleyan Church. Here at Bethany, I serve as the Pastor of Family Ministries, overseeing ministries from Nursery to Young Adults.  Children’s Ministry, Youth Ministry, Young Adult Ministry – of all my time at Houghton, I never once took a specific class in any of them.  But God has opened these doors for me to serve in life and as long as that is the case – His will be done.

I am 32 years old and I know that another step of faith is coming.  As has been the story of my life, I want to be prepared for whatever faith step God brings my way.  When that step comes, I don’t want to just be ready to take that step, I want to confidently leap forward into God’s arms and everything He has in store!  I know there will be moments of doubt and uncertainty ahead.  But if I have learned one thing from my life it is this – life is best when my faith and trust are placed in God.

Ten Years Later…

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My wife and I have never felt like we are each others ‘soul-mates’.   True story!   We’re officially 10 years in and as happy as you can possibly imagine.  Actually, probably happier than you can imagine, and very secure in our relationship.  We have our moments, our ups and downs.  Like all husbands I can have my idiot times (and like all wives, she is completely perfect at all moments – at least that is what I am allowed to say).  We’ve had some incredible victories:  a fun “how we met tale”, surviving a stretch of long-distance, a special proposal and a nice sized rock, a beautiful wedding to remember, saving our purity for the wedding night, making two different houses home, creating the two cutest kids in the world, building each others’ careers and potential, all the while finding time to snuggle almost every day (I know, barf – but it’s true and she’ll appreciate this).  With all this said, with this just being the tip of the iceberg in terms of the trust, devotion, love, and care we’ve experienced, yeah, we still won’t say we’re ‘soul-mates’.

Could we be a bit ridiculous in this?  Wikipedia says a ‘soul-mate’ is someone with whom you have a feeling of deep or natural affinity.  That doesn’t sound like a big deal – if that is all it takes then maybe Jimmy Fallon and I are soul-mates (and the person who created General Tso’s Chicken and the inventors of Mountain Dew).  I believe we usually think of soul-mates as something more.  They’re supposed to be that one person that so wonderfully matches with who we are and what we want to be that they just bring about perfection.  It drives us to start throwing up phrases like “You complete me!” and “I’m nothing without you!” or even “You make me happy!” – blah!  And this is where we have a problem with soul-mates.

The idea that I need someone else in this world in order to be completed is hilarious.  Let me be very clear – my wife doesn’t complete me, my God completes me.  And as ruggedly handsome as I am – Julie (that’s my wife) finds completion in God as well and definitely not in me.  It is almost sad to think that we have to find another person in this world to feel like life is complete, that we haven’t reached full value until we’ve found that someone. Julie adds so much to my life.  She has made me a better person in the best of ways – somehow she makes my strengths greater while helping my weaknesses disappear.  I am more because of her and I’ve gone further because of her, but I am complete because of God.

The problem is we are all lacking something in life.  We do have a hole to fill.  We want so badly to fill it. To put the pieces of life together, to give us purpose, to be appreciated and valued here on earth, and simply to not be lonely. But if we’re looking for a person to do all that, we’re going to get frustrated. What are the real chances of finding a soul-mate to make all that happen? Just ask Dwight Schrute: “Oh, not likely. Three billion women on the planet, most of them live in Asia, so the numbers just don’t add up.” (The Office, Season 5, Episode 18).

That hole can only be filled by the God we were created to seek after.  If we try to fill that hole with a person we not only give that person too much power, we set ourselves up for disappointment, and we clearly undervalue ourselves.

You’re never nothing without someone! In fact, Paul seems to feel in 1Corinthians 7 that as a single person you have more value! I have never known exactly what to do with these thoughts of his, as they seem not to work well in our culture. But they ring true to me: a single adult has the ability to much more openly give of their time to God’s service. And as a church we need to be willing to embrace single ministers and members who can give so much.

There is still the issue of happiness.  I gain a ton of happiness from my wife. In fact, if I could give any “single and looking” person advice on finding a good match, it would be to find someone who makes you smile and laugh a lot!  You can figure out how to make a lot of things work in a relationship, but laughter is often either there or it’s not, and you want it to be there.

With that said, happiness is a decision.  I choose to find happiness in my wife.  Without her it would have been up me to choose to find happiness in something else.  Hey, there are quite a few married people not choosing to find happiness in their spouse.  To those people I would say the opportunity to change your decision is yours to take.  Whatever your life is like, God has given you the opportunity to choose happiness.  That’s on you and no one else.

For my devotions I have recently read the book of Ecclesiastes (not high on my list of Bible books to just read for fun…).  A part of chapter 5 stuck out to me that I feel pertains here:

18 Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them, and to accept their lot in life. 19 And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life—this is indeed a gift from God. (NLT)

It is up to you to enjoy what you have and that is indeed a gift from God.  I don’t think God specifically made Julie and I for each other.  We were given an opportunity and we found happiness there.  We made a marriage covenant and I do believe God will bless that as we hold firmly to it.

These have been the best 10 years of my life and I look forward to the next 10, they’re going to be even better.  And yours could be as well – find fulfillment and completion in God, not in something here on earth, know that you have incredible purpose and great opportunities to bring meaning to your life and the Kingdom of God, and lastly remember that you get to choose to be happy, don’t let what you have or may not have steal your joy in life.

Value (3 Powerful Things to Communicate to Your Children)

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I find it funny to realize that for a chunk of my life the most valuable thing my wife and I owned was her wedding ring. Early in our marriage it was easily worth more than both our cars combined (although my Mazda Protege was really something special in a “how are you shaking so much but still running” sort of way). Like everyone else, I have things that I feel hold value (just look at my shoe collection), but I never understood being responsible for something of true value until I had kids.

I take parenthood very seriously. I am responsible for health, growth, laughter, and learning. There are so many integral parts to being a parent and they’re all important – but the development that I take most seriously is that of character. I desire for my children to not just be Christians, but to live a life that exudes the character of Jesus Christ. I want them to be shining lights for God through action, attitude, and word.

Making that happen is a lot easier said then done. Somehow my parents did it with five kids. I don’t totally know how they did it, but I know a few keys that I have tried to emulate. One of those keys is the communication of values. There are three specific things that they valued that I believed was passed to each of us five. Three values that if I can pass on to my kids I know I’ll have taken a huge step in the right direction.

1.  To value God.

Did you ever have to leave soccer practice early to go to church?  Oh man, I did – every, single, fantastic, friends watching, Wednesday.  Could it have hurt to miss a few Wednesday night church activities?  Probably not.  Did I learn anything incredibly fantastic on those nights?  Nothing life changing (although I did win the all prestigious CYC John Wesley Award – which currently resides in my office…with a mustache sticker on it).  Would I be any different today if I had missed those nights and been able to stay at soccer practice?  I doubt it.

Yet every Wednesday night I had to stand up in front of my friends, the ‘cool’ kids, my coaches, and others and leave practice to go to church.  I probably didn’t learn anything huge or have a life changing moment on any of those nights, but I learned one super valuable lesson – God comes first.  I feel like we make so many excuses to put God in the back seat.  There is no excuse not to pray, no reason not to invest time into God’s word, and no schedule full enough to stop you from steadily worshiping God with others.  God comes first.

How have you taught your children that God comes first?  How have they seen you put God before other things?  Following God isn’t an “if or when” – it is very clearly a “before all else.”  If I can get my children to grasp this, think about the base their life already has.  Boom!  I mean seriously – boom!

2.  To value others.

Growing up I can remember multiple quiet family nights that were ruined by the ring of the doorbell.  It could have been a lot of things – the couple down the street having marriage problems, a person from the community in need of physical or financial help, or maybe just someone who decided to “visit.”  For my parents it meant that even though they had already had a busy day – their evening was gone.  Don’t misunderstand, they made lots of time for family and when needed they set boundaries with people, but so often when others needed help they were there.

As a kid on the inside I saw the “bother” this created (I know, I know – ‘bother’ what am I, British?).  These nights were a hassle, a pain, an interruption.  But this is the kind of thing you do when you care about people.  I can remember my mom in the midst of a battle with breast cancer taking time for others expecting nothing in return.  People have value.

To me this is what being like Jesus is.  This is what it means to be a ‘Christian.’  To love others doesn’t mean we give up what we believe, nor does it mean we have to ‘be fine’ with everything someone else wants to be.  It means we think they’re important enough to give them our time, our care, our attention, and our love.  If my children weakly value others they’ll be fine allowing people to walk life where they are. If they truly value others they’ll have a burning desire to bring people to Jesus Christ.

Have your children seen you put others first?  Have they seen you make selfish decisions or sacrificial decisions?  Are you someone they and others can bother or do they know not to take your time and space?  Again, think about a child who grows to value God and then others.  That might just be scriptural (wink – Matthew 22:36-40).  That might just be super powerful.

3.  To value themselves.

In the Leininger household we rarely went halfway with something. If you were involved with something it was expected that you gave it your all and succeeded. In school there were really just two grades: the expected ‘A’ and the sometimes with a good excuse “B”. I don’t remember getting anything else and I am not sure what would have happened if I did. Sports brought the same expectations. I can remember after one soccer game my father telling me to not worry about the coach and about passing but to just get the ball and go. Don’t get me started on his lamentations about me dropping baseball to play soccer. He knew I was good at baseball (I was pretty much shut down at second base and I did score the winning run in my 6th grade championship game) and success was the goal.

I didn’t always enjoy some of those pressures at the time, but looking back I am thankful for them now. I was taught to expect to succeed and to work, to be aggressive, and to strive to make that reality. And this wasn’t just with grades this was with everything, this was with life. I am valuable.

My heart, my mind, my purity, my knowledge, my potential, my future, my love, my work – it all has value. Our children are so valuable. Our culture teaches them to give it all away to join the crowd. Be different – help them see the value they possess.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 – Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Remind your children they are of value. Set some expectations, demand that they work hard. Allow them to fail, make sure they know it is okay to come in 2nd, 3rd, and even 15th. But don’t stop raising the bar and pushing them to try harder, reach farther, and be more than society’s norm. They are worth it.

I absolutely believe that when anyone grows to value these three things in the right balances great things happen. God first, others second, and never forgetting that God paid a lot for us and we have value too.

Whether you impact the next generations as a parent, a teacher, through church, or as a service to your community – take time to communicate value. Model it in your life and share it with your time and God given opportunities.

To All the Sons

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I never really had a room of my own as a kid.  Okay, I had my own bedroom, but it was never totally mine.  My mother liked things clean and in order, so I could never do much with “my room”.  Toys and games were not left out, my bed was always made, shelves neatly arranged with perfect spaces between objects, even my hermit crab and his abode were tidy.

I could try to fight this if I wanted.  Leave out a lego castle, miss the hamper with a dirty shirt and leave it on the floor, or do the unthinkable – make my bed without properly tucking the bed spread around the pillow.  Give it five minutes and this “error” would be corrected.  No comment would be made – this would just happen.

Now it may sound rough but it wasn’t that bad, not bad at all, my mother cared about me and so she took care of me as she thought best and that meant an organized room.

From the beginning of time I believe that mothers and sons have been fighting the battle of “mother knows best” and for the rest of time this will continue.  It has already started with my own wife and son as it does with all mothers and sons – the battle to wipe the face clean.  Oh how my son hates this attention and he puts up a wonderful fight, but his face always ends up clean.

This battle will continue – clean jeans, tucked in shirts, cow-lickless hair, washed cleats, shaved faces, organized entertainment centers, and maybe even a hung-up towel in the bathroom.  To all the sons out there – we can fight these things, but the sooner you realize that you won’t win, the easier your life will be.

All sons deal with this to some degree or another.  But what happens when the “interference” gets more serious?  It is one thing to have your life impacted at home – but what do we do when mom wants to interfere with the rest of life?  When she starts cramping our style, killing our mojo, and squashing our vibe?

Will we let mom interfere?

When I was around 15-16 I had my first girlfriend.  Now in reality this was just the first girlfriend that my parents found out about (you know how that is, right?) – so really this was more like girlfriend #3 but who is counting (okay, I was for sure!).  I remember having a lot of pressure with this girlfriend.  My friends were expecting me to “make some moves” as it were, the girl seemed to have some expectations, and even my dorky calculus teacher was for some reason telling me to “solve for x” (okay he never said that but he was oddly involved and I couldn’t resist the joke – math teachers, right?).

It was in the midst of all this that I can clearly remember my mom wanting to have a talk with me.  It wasn’t that talk (my parents were with it enough to know that a day at public school equals more knowledge than any “birds and bees” conversation could supply) – no it was a very different talk.  She told me it was nice that I had a girlfriend.  She told me that this girl seemed sweet and was pretty – I had chosen well.  Then she told me that I was not to hurt this girl. And she looked me in the eyes and we both knew what that meant.

Cramping my style.  Killing my mojo.  Interfering with life!  With a few words and one look she had done it all.  Now what was I supposed to do?

Well I can tell you what I didn’t do – hurt that girl.  Not because I didn’t want to.  Not because she didn’t want me to.  Not because my friends didn’t want me to.  Not even because my calc teacher didn’t want me to.

No, I didn’t because my mom didn’t want me to.  And because she was the one person courageous enough to sit me down and tell me not to. And because, while she told me not to hurt the girl, I knew that she really cared about me and the real person she was protecting was me.  My life.  My heart.  My soul. My future.  She took care of me in the only way she knew how.

To all the sons out there – will we let mom interfere?

Yeah we will!  Because she loves us.  Because more than any person on earth she wants what’s best for us.  Because she has the courage to make the difficult choices for us and say the difficult things to us.

To the young men out there – give your mom a break.  Listen to her words, put up with her guidance, and respect her wishes.  You may not understand all that she wants for you, but if you know she loves you and wants what’s best for you then you know enough.

And to the mothers out there – keep washing our faces, keep interfering, keep cramping our style.  We need you.  We need you to never stop believing in us.  And most importantly we need you to step up for us when no one else will.

Unfortunately for me, my mother is gone.  She now resides in heaven with God.  Meanwhile, here on earth the impact of her life, her heart, and even her interferences lives on.  Her efforts still live on in the relationships I have with my own wife and kids.  They and I reap the benefits of her decisions for me.  To all the sons out there – thank God for your mom and keep her close.

The Family Room (and 3 Questions Parents Should Ask Themselves)

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There are quite a few reasons why a small house isn’t great (Reason #9 – When you cook bacon, everything smells like bacon.  You think that’s a good thing, but it’s not.).  With that said, there is one great reason why I love our small house.   All our activity happens basically in one place.  We snack, watch TV, read, work, do crafts, play video games, surf the internet, play on our iPads, and so much more within an arm’s reach of each other.  As our family grows bigger I know we are going to upgrade.  But however large our house is, our plan is to make sure to create a ‘Family Room’ or space, so that this closeness never disappears.

A ‘Family Room’ is not just that room you allow your kids to trash (that’s just called I don’t want to have to pick up after my kids or train them to pick up after themselves).  Having a true ‘Family Room’ means creating a place where your family co-exists together.  It doesn’t mean having to do the same things together (although it could sometimes), it means doing the separate things you love together – in the same space and time.  This sounds simple, almost not worth mentioning, but it can do wonders for any family!

Do you need a family space?  Let’s pose three questions to help find your answer.

1.  Have you had the opportunity to speak with your children about the things most important to you and them?  Do you know where their spiritual life is at?  Have you connected about their future?  Do you know their dreams and desires?  You probably don’t need to explain the ‘birds and the bees’, but have you communicated about your hopes and expectations for them as they enter into relationships?

Communication.  Relationships are built on communication (and good food – you want to make a relationship better, get some Chinese food).  In today’s culture, family schedules are more hectic than ever.  It is amazing to me the busy life that even our 4 year old has.  All parents should be intentional about talking to their children about the important things in life.  If you are not influencing their thoughts in these areas – who is?  Parents – give yourself opportunities to have these conversations, you should be the biggest influence in their lives right now.  All children need time to process things, to understand the ‘whys’, and to hear things from their parents’ hearts.  Create a safe place with safe moments where communication can flow.

2.  What are you allowing into your house unmonitored?  Who are you allowing your children to invite into their bedrooms and other private places in your house through the use of social media and technology?  What are you children watching on TV?  What are they seeing and sharing on their iPhone, iPod, iPad, computer, Xbox, etc.?  Are you monitoring your children’s use of apps?  Have you even heard of Instagram, SnapChat, Kik, Yik Yak, Whisper, and Down to name a few?  And do you know if your children are using these?

Accountability.  Everyone, not just children, need to be held accountable for their social media and technology use.  The danger is three-fold:  What are you seeing?  What are you sharing?  Who is getting private information about your family?  What would happen if the use of all these things took place while your family is together, close together?  The use of these devices are so much safer when parents are around.  And let’s be honest, this is great for us adults as well because our filter is in place when little ears and eyes are around.  We can’t hide ourselves from the use of social media, electronic devices, and entertainment.  But we can learn how to use them properly together.  Create rules and standards for your family’s use of these things.  Protect your family, make temptation difficult.

3.  Do you ever feel distant from your family?  Does your home feel like home or is it just a place to rest and fuel?  Is your house a safe place that your family can retreat to?  Do your children ever have moments where they’d just prefer to be at home?  Does it feel like your family is working together or drifting apart?

Harmony.  Harmony doesn’t mean doing the same thing, it means doing different things and allowing them to blend together in a wonderful way.  I know this sounds touchy-feely and nobody wants that (but you can handle it).  I love when my family is all together.  I am the youngest of five children and usually twice a year all of us get together.  It is the best.  Even in the moments when we’re not doing anything officially together, just being together feels so much like home.  With my own wife and kids there is nothing better than a lazy Saturday morning, when we’re just together.  Life feels right.  Make sure your home is not a glorified hotel room, but a place your family grows together.

Sure, a small house isn’t always great (Reason #21 – You can’t sneak a piece of chocolate without being discovered.).  Some of us spend tons of money so that we have a place we can actually spread out in.  But how is spreading out actually helping you?  Keep your big, medium, or small house – just make sure your family has a place to come together and connect.  Create a safe place to explore what the world has to offer and make sure that needed conversations happen in a place where everyone can open up their hearts.  It will take time, effort, and possibly some inconvenience, but your family is worth it.