Christianity

Weights That Hinder

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On August 20, 2023, this message was originally delivered to the Cherryville Campus of Bethany Wesleyan Church. If you watch that message, you’ll notice that it ends slightly differently. That is partly because August 20th is my wife, Julie, and I anniversary. For this message, you’ll want to have read Hebrews 12:1-3.

You can find the live video version of this message delivered on August 20, 2023 by clicking HERE. May this message encourage and empower the work of Jesus Christ in your life.

Sometimes I need to practice saying no.  Okay, not sometimes. All the time. For the most part, I am not great at it.

You can ask my wife, I struggle with this even in little situations.  At a restaurant, if I am asked – “Do you want dressing on your salad?”  Hearing me say – “No, if it isn’t on the side, I send it back.”   Yeah, you’ll probably never hear me say something like that. (Even if it is a great ‘Office’ reference.)

‘NO.’  How is it that such a small word carries so much weight? It really is a powerful word.  

  • My guess is that some of us need to learn to say no.  
  • Because of its weight, some of us do say it regularly, but we need to learn to say no more kindly.
  • Most of us, probably need to learn a better balance on when is the right time to say no.  I am definitely there.

The opposite word – ‘yes’ – is usually pretty great.  It is often easy to say and it is easy to receive.  We want to hear yes and we love telling people yes.  The world is looking for yes.  There are books out there about the power of yes.  We see power is saying yes, a lot, whenever possible.  Getting the chance to work in our church office and with the staff, I try to say yes whenever possible.  It encourages, enables, empowers, uplifts.  

I save my no’s for when they are truly needed.  But isn’t that the key, sometimes we have to say no.  Sometimes the biggest difference is made in a very key strategic no.  We still don’t like to say it.  We certainly don’t like to hear it.  But that no is powerful.

In these moments together, we are talking about saying no.  Not just generally, although you may find that point in some other piece of scripture. It can be a valuable habit.  We’re looking at saying no in one particular conversation.  And where no is concerned, it is probably the most important one.  It is when no is both the hardest to say and to hear.  To give and to receive.  It is the no’s we say to ourselves.  

We are in a message series speaking about being ‘Free to Fly’.  The idea is that we want to be enabled, empowered to live out our faith.  To live for Jesus.  To pursue God.  To live what we know of from John 10:10, what Jesus came to give us – life to the fullest, an abundant life.  This understanding of saying no to ourselves plays a large part in pursuing God, in living for Jesus.  So may we see the value in discovering the power of saying no to ourselves – and then actually doing it.

God, we ask that You’d be with us in this discussion. May our lives and all that we are be Yours.

Why would anyone want to say no to themselves? I get it.  The whole premise of this message, this thought, sounds a little funky, a little off.  Who talks about something like this?  And who actually does it?

To understand why we would even think about doing this, let’s understand our goal.  What is it that we are trying to accomplish?  

In scripture, we are look at the start of Hebrews 12.  Hebrews 12 is the chapter directly following Hebrews 11.  You’re welcome, once again, math has entered the conversation!  This fact actually is important.  Hebrews 11 is the faith chapter.  As a child, I memorized Hebrews 11:1, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”  Hebrews 11 continues to then talk about so many individuals in history that accomplished great things by faith. They believed in God and then adjusted their lives and lived with God as their priority. They lived for God. That is living by faith.  “By faith Noah…. By faith Abraham… By faith Moses…”  By faith, they did wonderful things.  

That is our goal – prioritizing God and through that bringing about great things, wonderful things, life to the fullest.  Here is where chapter 12 adds so much value. Chapter 12 actually clarifies it even better for us to live out.  Our goal is to run this race, locked in and moving towards Jesus.  Keeping our eyes on Him. Moving toward Him. That is living faith.

That is our goal – faith that gets us to Jesus.  Jesus is the goal.  What do we have to do to get to Jesus?  Well, any guess it involves saying ‘no’ to ourselves?

Hebrews 12:1-3, our main scripture for this conversation.  The key part that we are focusing on is a part of verse 1.  In the NIV Translation it says, “let us throw off everything that hinders.”  In the NLT – “let us strip off every weight that slows us down.”  Others like the New King James say something more like, “let us lay aside every weight.”

It is important that we understand what is being communicated with the word ‘weight’.  What are we to know?  This word does refer to a weight, a mass, a heaviness. My favorite translation said – an encumbrance.  That sounds fancier, doesn’t it?  

There is an encumbrance that we are being instructed to put down.  So what is it? That is a great question – thank you for asking such a great question!  The easy answer is to just assume that it is sin.  It mentions sin soon after in this scripture. It could be sin, but it isn’t limited to just sin.  That is too easy.  

The weight is anything in this world, in our lives, in our lifestyles, that holds us back from seeking, grasping, racing towards our goal, Jesus.

That weight, it isn’t necessarily good or bad.  It doesn’t have to be something that is a right or wrong issue.  It is anything that stops us from making our best effort to Jesus and for Jesus.  

So we come back to this, yes this –  are we willing to say no to ourselves?  

At the writing of this, if you put a microphone in our house, you would hear the word ‘no’ said a lot.  We have a new kitten.  His name is Grogu.  He is fantastic.  He was rescued from our back yard.  He is filled with love and energy in equal amounts.

Grogu gets told no a lot right now.  My favorite, (this is wonderful) there is a certain house plant of my wife’s. We will say that I don’t love it.  On the other hand, our kitten absolutely loves it.  It is big, he can’t get in the pot (not sure what would happen if he could…), but he can massacre the leaves.  Again, this is wonderful. He runs full tilt across the room to tackle it. He will stand cutely beside it only to suddenly rip leaves right off. It is fading fast.  He hears no, but he goes right back.  Clearly, he hasn’t learned no yet.  Then there is our older cat, Eclipse, he hears no and he has developed an understanding. He is still a cat, but at times he even immediately course corrects.  

We need to develop an understanding of how saying no to ourselves matters. May we recognize the need in our lives to have moments where we course correct.

I don’t like saying no to myself.  I have to hear that from the world.  I don’t want to hear it from myself. But that is what this scripture is telling us.  There is a lot out there in our world – good and bad and somewhere in between.  Not all of it, in fact probably not most of it, gets us to Jesus.

This is difficult because we don’t have a set of rules.  And I don’t want to create one for you.  I have no interest in policing this or forcing opinions on you.  That leads to legalism. It isn’t what we do or who we want to be. We probably all know some clear things in this world that aren’t good for us.  But there is a lot that isn’t so clear and it may impact all our lives differently.  

Like so much else in this world, this is a battle with our own selfishness.  We have to personally decide: Do I just want this thing, because I want this thing? Is it about me and some desire I have?  Does this thing, this lifestyle, this relationship get me to Jesus, or is it a weight that is stopping God’s work and Jesus’ clear presence in my life?

Again, I won’t tell you what it is in your life.  But let us ask some probing questions:

  • What habits are weighing us down from getting to Jesus?  I have known people, we have probably all known people that a certain substance is that thing. Does alcohol get you to Jesus? Remember – the question isn’t, “Is this bad?” The question is – “Does this get me to Jesus?”
  • I got one for me – technology.  This is a habit. I don’t think I watch garbage, but is my pad or phone a distraction, a weight, from who I could or should be?  Understand, when this is a real thing, you will find excuses all over! For me, I need some decompression, brain time. Is that true? Yes. Do I lean into that too much? Absolutely. If I don’t say no, if I don’t set up healthy boundaries, then it definitely isn’t helping me get to Jesus.
  • Relationships are a big one.  What relationships am I pursuing, right now?  Are they for me?  Are they healthy? How do they impact others in my life? And the biggest question – do they draw me closer to Jesus?  Or is something else happening?  This is probably the hardest area to say no to ourselves and the easiest are to make excuses!  
  • What about what we fill ourselves with?  Politics, opinions, where we get our news, what we dwell on, what we have to throw into conversation.  It is drawing me closer to Jesus?
  • And one more – what about our feelings? Please know, feelings are natural and they aren’t sin. But are we dwelling on certain feelings? Are they controlling us? Driving us? Impacting how we live? For example, is there an anger in our life that has become a weight? We like that anger, don’t we? We make excuses for it.

Relationships, lifestyle, the way we use or prioritize our money, work, issues and opinions, the stuff we own, the attitudes we have – does it get me to Jesus?

I know this isn’t fun or easy.  Saying no when it matters really never is.  But this is part of being a mature Christian.  Taking regular moments to ask these important questions, this matters. We don’t just have easy black and white issues.  Sometimes we have to say, this thing isn’t sin, but it doesn’t help me get to Jesus.  So while I could say yes, for me, I will say no, for Jesus! 

May we remember, this is all about Jesus.  He is the goal.  What Hebrews 12 also shows us is that He is also the example.  

It is what He did for us on the cross.  He said no. He made a hard selfless decision.  He could have said yes to a decision to protect himself.  Yes to comfort.  Yes to power.  Yes to happiness in the moment.

What does our scripture today say He did?  He chose faith. He chose prioritizing God. He chose the joy that comes on the longer path, the eternal path, the course of knowing His decisions impacted the world. His faith would be the greatest faith story, the greatest story.  

Yes, we may have to say no to happiness in the moment.  To comfort and to power.  But we have a chance to be a faith story that has an impact.  And we can find joy in knowing that we are growing closer and closer to Jesus.  For now and for eternity.  

Are we willing to say no to ourselves?

I learned this lesson early in my ministry.  I want you to know, that I still need regular reminders though.  Say no to myself.  Do it.

If you know me, you know I joke about my hair.  My hair is fairly fantastic, right? RIGHT? I enjoy spiking my hair and having fun with it, but back in the day… Well, back in the day I had real hair. Long hair. Fantastic hair.  When I first went into ministry I had wonderful long hair, that my wife doesn’t miss. (Ergo – why it doesn’t exist any more.)

I remember going to my first interview for a pastoral position.  (I would get the job. You didn’t expect anything different. C’mon.)  Before the interview, my dad asked me if I was going to cut my hair.  I said no. They wanted someone to work with youth, the hair didn’t hurt at all. In fact, it super helped.  

I remember thinking, though, if I ever needed to, I would.  I really liked my hair, but I wanted to be what Jesus needed me to be more.  Hair is a fairly silly thing, important to me, but I want to say no to anything that stops me from being all that I can for Jesus.  

I want to make my best effort for Jesus.  I want to give my best effort to Jesus.

I have learned that If I said no to myself, God could reign in my life.  

  • If I said no to myself, I’d have a better chance of being the husband I knew I could be.
  • If I said no to myself, maybe just maybe, I could figure out this parenting thing.
  • If I said no to myself, people would see Jesus in me.  
  • If I said no to myself, I got a little closer, and a little closer, to Jesus.

My guess is that right now we could be a little closer to Jesus.  Will we do it?  Will we say no to ourselves?

Fear

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(The following was part of a sermon delivered towards the end of 2015 at North Collins Wesleyan Church.  It felt a bit more relevant then, but I thought it was still worth sharing.)

Over the past few months I have noticed a growing sickness spilling from the hearts, minds, attitudes, mouths, and even social media pages of Christians.  There is an overwhelming plague against the attitude of joy and gladness that we Christians are supposed to have.  A plague that is attacking our spirits and hampering our impact on the world right now.  That plague is called FEAR.

Fear can be a ridiculous thing.  Recently, YouTube and social media has been blowing up with a new cat discovery.  People are placing cucumbers close to their cats, without the cat’s knowledge.  The results are often incredible.  For some reason, when a cat is faced with the unexpected arrival of the long green cucumber, it often decides to spaz out, in a big way!  (This is for real, look it up on YouTube!)

Why does this happen?  No one really knows.  Maybe because it’s unexpected or outside the norm.  Maybe because the cat mistakes it for a snake.  Maybe because the idea of eating a vegetable is the worst.  (Although my previous cats always got really excited when I gave them an olive.  Really excited, too excited, like – get a room, cat.)  Maybe because the cat just wants to confuse their human owners.  From what we all know about cats, this seems like the most logical answer.

Well, for whatever reason – the fear and the response are simply ridiculous. But then again, that is the nature of fear, it is usually ridiculous.  Especially for Christians.  Especially for anyone who says their faith is placed in God, the Ruler and Creator of our world.  Our God, Who controls the world, Who loves us completely, Who has our future on earth and for eternity taken care of.  Fear seems very out of place in our lives.

So let’s get to the point.  It is clear that our nation and culture is struggling with what to do with the refugee situation, quite possibly Christians most of all.  This is a situation about which I can’t and won’t tell you how to feel.  That’s not going to happen.  To be honest, I struggle with different feelings myself.

I know God wants me to love and care for all the people of this world.  That is the #2 commandment for the world given from Jesus! (Next to love God!)  I also know and feel the pressures of being a parent.  My family is my #1 ministry.  Their protection is important to me.  As Mel Gibson once said in the movie The Patriot – “I’m a parent, I haven’t got the luxury of principles.”  The desire to protect my family is very real in my heart.

I also struggle with understanding if and how my actions (and the guidelines for those actions) as a Christian individual, living for Jesus Christ, should be different from the actions of the United States of America (if we consider this country Christian or not).  Our nation needs to make decisions for the health of a nation, I need to make decisions for a life dedicated to Jesus Christ.

I say that all to clarify that I will understand wherever it is you feel you fall on this matter.  It is not easy and it is not clear.

But I do know this is very clear – we cannot be people of fear.  Fear cannot drive us, fear cannot motivate us, fear cannot be our response.  We, Christians, are not people of fear.

Fear cannot play a part in the lives of Christians, it simply can’t.  We know too much about who rules and controls the world.  Our Faith is built upon something too great for fear to play a part.

As Psalm 100:5 (NIV) says…
For the Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations.

As 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) says…
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

You, my dear Christian friend, know too much to let fear drive your life, your actions, even your posts on Facebook.  Through God, we have power, we have love, and we have the ability to make wise choices because we have been empowered.

Allow your faith to have the place it deserves in your life, behind the steering wheel.  Do not allow fear to kill the opportunities in your life to stand in God’s power and show God’s unending love.  Instead, cast a message to those in your world that you know who rules the world and therefore you will make decisions out of power and love.

Maybe in the past few weeks, because of fear, you’ve said a few things or felt a certain way that was ridiculous.  Know now that fear has no hold on your life.  Take control.  Live, rather, in power and love.

General Tso’s Chicken

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I LOVE Chinese food.

I love everything about it.  It is wonderful for my belly in some of the best ways – taste and um…taste.  Delicious!

I find that there are usually two kinds of people when it comes to Chinese food:

  1. First are those like myself.  These kinds of people realize the delicious saucy goodness that it is.  They love the taste, the smell, the look, everything!  And just me mentioning it is driving those people crazy right now.  They want it!  They may even get some at some point today or tomorrow, just because it’s on their mind! (I’m sorry about that…no, I’m not.)
  2. Then there is the other type.  These people have preconceived perceptions of Chinese food.  It’s “different”. The smell is “odd”. The look is definitely not “right”. They’ll think things like – Who wants to eat all this rice?  Is it supposed to be gooey like that?  What is this meat that I’m actually eating?  These people ask too many questions!  Why does it matter if this place is “sanitary”?  The food is good!  And who really believes the rumor about “cats”?  Sure, those rumors started from probably true experiences… but how does that affect the deliciousness I’m about to eat right now?

Here are my key rules when eating Chinese food.  Follow these and you will be good to go!

  • Don’t ask questions!  Just enjoy.  I know this sounds like bad advice, but do you really want to know the answers to the questions you’re about to ask…
  • When at a Chinese restaurant, in almost all cases, don’t use the bathrooms!  Enough said.
  • Stick to the basics!  Don’t go off the beaten path.  If it sounds odd, it probably will be.  If you don’t expect that they have fresh seafood at this location, they definitely don’t – eat chicken or beef.  Stay with the meals that others order and that are guaranteed to be good.

Here is that most basic rule and #1 rule:  If you’ve never had Chinese food before, order General Tso’s Chicken.  And be ready for your life to be changed FOREVER!

This is easily the most popular Chinese food in America – General Tso’s Chicken.  It is so delicious and wonderful – for real!  The combination of crunchy and soft, sweet and spicy – perfection!

I like General Tso’s Chicken so much that the other day I watched a special on it.  I was curious – who is this wonderful general?  And why is his chicken so amazing?

You know what I found out?  Disappointment.  It’s not his chicken!  General Tso is apparently a popular general from Chinese history.  He was a general for his people.  Super loved.  But the thing he is most famous for (at least with me) – his chicken – is not even his.  It wasn’t invented in China.  It wasn’t around in his day.  Where he was from they didn’t even eat food that was sweet and spicy.  He never had chicken close to this!

MIND BLOWN!  We have been fed, literally fed, a lie!  All this time and it’s not even his chicken…

Okay, so I don’t really care.  The chicken is still delicious, and at least it doesn’t sound like General Tso was a bad guy!  But it raises the question – how long have I enjoyed something, partaken in something, and never really knew who or what it was about?  Many of us are Christians just like this.  We say we’re Christians, but we don’t truly know what that means, what we believe, let alone for why or for what reasons.  We like things about Christianity, but we don’t really know God or Jesus Christ for ourselves.

Because of this we often struggle to truly live the life we think we should as a Christian.  We often find purity, holiness, peace, joy, contentment, (the list goes on) out of reach, unattainable.  But how can we be or find those things in Christianity, when we don’t even know the God and Savior upon whom it was founded?

2 Peter 1:3 (NLT) says it simply:

By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.

What Peter says is very simple but so important and profound – you want to live a godly life?  Then know God.  It is that simple – KNOW GOD.

You want to grow, mature, further yourself, be useful, make a difference, find peace, live in joy and contentment, purify your heart, reach holiness – then get busy knowing God and Jesus Christ.  Get into God’s Word (the Bible) daily, find devotionals that connect you with God, pray often, listen to God in silence, fill your head with His praise and thanks.  Christianity is a relationship, with God and Jesus Christ.  Relationships take work.  Put in the work to know God.

As 2 Peter 1:3 tells us, God has given us everything we need, the opportunity and tools are in your hands.  Do you have a struggle, a decision, a stress, a pain?  The opportunity for help and guidance to handle this moment is within reach.  You can achieve it.  KNOW GOD.

My Hands Are Full

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I gave my son, Seth, three peanut M&M’s this week.   He’s two years old and he is starting to learn how the ‘system’ works.  So he ate one and then kept the other two in his hands.  He waited a few moments and then he came up to me asking for more.  The two M&M’s were still in his hands.  I shot him a look and was like, uhhh dude, what’s that in your hands, there?  At this point his fingers were turning colors from the M&M’s.  They say they melt in your mouth and not in your hand, apparently whoever tested this theory did not use two year olds in their research.   Seth smiled at me and made a very ‘knowing he was caught’ face.  That rascal.

I don’t know what his plans were exactly.  The M&M’s held an obvious value to him (and every person who likes to eat food in this world!) and he knew he wanted more, but he wasn’t willing to just eat those that he had and spoil the moment of chocolate bliss, until he was guaranteed more.  As I became worried about what he was planning to touch with those multi-colored hands of his, I told him to eat what he had and then we’ll talk about more.

That rascal.  I feel like I should have all kinds of thoughts about this, but mostly I have one very unfortunate thought – this is completely something I would have done!  And truthfully, it is something I do and on a larger scale.  In so many ways, I am that rascal.  I have a lot – time, potential, opportunities, resources, and incredible amounts of love and care to give.  Yet, with that said, so often I find myself wondering what difference I could make if God would only give me more.  I so easily forget, here I stand and my hands are full.

I know I am not alone.  It is so easy for us to stand before God, telling Him we will live for Him, do great things for Him, make a huge difference – just give us the chance, the opportunity, the blessing, the resources – and God, we’ll use it for you.  But our hands are already full.

Your hands are full!  Be encouraged!  There is nothing you need to make a difference in your world, the power is in your hands already!  Lift your head up, clear your focus, and look with fresh eyes – God has you where you’re at for a purpose, make the difference!  You don’t need more, you’ve got all you need.  God has you right where He needs you, use what is in your hands – love, care, provide, uplift, share, empower – shine brightly for Jesus Christ!

God has already filled your life with chances, opportunities, and blessings.  Your hands are full.  Have confidence in God, it’s time to step out with what you have.

And one last little note: you’re probably still a little bit like my son, I know I am, I still want those other M&M’s.  Maybe, just maybe, if you prove to God that you can use what you’ve been given, He’ll be excited to give you something more.  But until then, remember…

Your hands are full.

When Life is Best

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(The following post was originally written as an essay for admissions to Wesley Seminary.  The point being to give a quick look into the testimony of my life.   A few changes have been made to make it blog-ready.  I hope you enjoy.)

One of my favorite things about being a father is the complete faith my children place in me.  They know I am their father, they know I love them, and they know how special they are to me.  I have demonstrated this to them through my words, my hugs, and my actions throughout their lives.  So moments come where they trustfully place their safety in my hands.  While my son has reckless desires, even my daughter, who is sometimes shy and all the time cautious, loves to find moments to fling herself off a high surface into my arms.  She knows her hope lies in me and her faith says that I’ll catch her.  And catch her I do.

From an early age, I learned that life was best when my faith and trust were placed in God.  I am the son of a Wesleyan pastor and grew up at the Port Ann Wesleyan Church in central Pennsylvania.  Like most kids growing up in church, I can remember multiple moments of decision in my relationship with Jesus Christ.  They happened as early as age five, were brought about through many experiences including camp meetings and movies about the rapture (there is this scene with a guillotine that still haunts me…), and came to maturity through my final years of youth camp.

While all of these moments hold value to me, the experience that truly cemented my faith and certainty in Jesus Christ came through the life and walk of my mother.  When I was around 10 years old my family was informed that my mother had breast cancer, and that it was severe.  In fact, we were told that she had little time to live – doctors were expecting three months.  As my mother began chemotherapy, with no where else to find help, we all turned to prayer.  I can still clearly remember lying in bed at night begging God to save my mom.  And He did.

To the amazement of the doctors, God saved my mother.  She won her first battle with cancer and then throughout the next 8-9 years she would do the impossible and win again and again, as the cancer would appear in new parts of her body only to be defeated.  I cannot tell you in words what an experience like this can do for the faith of a young Christian.  But I can say that I learned to again and again throw myself towards God’s arms knowing and believing that He would catch me.

My mother’s impact on my life doesn’t stop here.  See, it wasn’t just that she defeated cancer.  Her continual dependance on God, her strive to seek His will and follow Him, and her dedication to spiritual growth and development of character was incredible!  She was, and still is, everything I want to be as a Christian – loving, humble, and so filled with hope.  It wasn’t until my freshman year of college that I found out the depth of her love.  As I often prayed for God to save my mother, she prayed to simply live long enough to see her last child, me, raised and off to college.  It is almost too perfect that when she did go home to heaven it was after twice visiting me at Houghton College and seeing that her prayers were answered.

Matthew 18:3 (NIV) – And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

In Matthew 18, I believe Christ isn’t talking about simply believing like a child, but having the humility of a child.  Saying to God not only do I trust you, God, but my life is Yours, do with it as You will.  May Your will be done with my life.  That has been my goal, to continually throw myself into God’s arms and to allow Him to do with my life as He sees fit.  As is always the case with God, He has taken me to places that I never expected.  It is through God’s hand that I went to Houghton College debt free.  At Houghton and without my understanding, God gave me opportunities to serve that provided leadership and creative ministry experience that I would use in years to come (like dressing in a kilt and leading a team of young men in obnoxious cheers…seriously).

After Houghton, God guided me to the first job I applied to, being the Assistant/Youth Pastor at Pine Grove Wesleyan Church. At no point in my life had I felt a specific call to youth ministry, yet I quickly found that God had given me the gifts and graces to excel.  In one year’s time, feeling like I couldn’t possibly be the best candidate, I was asked to become the District Youth President for the Penn-Jersey District.  What a blessing this opportunity has been!  In 2008, God guided me to Bethany Wesleyan Church. Here at Bethany, I serve as the Pastor of Family Ministries, overseeing ministries from Nursery to Young Adults.  Children’s Ministry, Youth Ministry, Young Adult Ministry – of all my time at Houghton, I never once took a specific class in any of them.  But God has opened these doors for me to serve in life and as long as that is the case – His will be done.

I am 32 years old and I know that another step of faith is coming.  As has been the story of my life, I want to be prepared for whatever faith step God brings my way.  When that step comes, I don’t want to just be ready to take that step, I want to confidently leap forward into God’s arms and everything He has in store!  I know there will be moments of doubt and uncertainty ahead.  But if I have learned one thing from my life it is this – life is best when my faith and trust are placed in God.

When It Hurts – Finding Purpose in Pain

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In a lot of ways my daughter and son have developed into the stereotypical roles of girl and boy.  Stella, my daughter, loves all things pink and purple (and now light blue thanks to a certain Elsa).  Stella enjoys art, dancing, dressing up, accessorizing, painting her nails, and doing her hair.  She likes to snuggle, and when she gets hurt – it hurts!  And she’ll need quite a bit of time and attention, most often from yours truly, daddy (honestly this is the best – the very best).  Now Seth, my son, is not like this.  He likes to growl.  He enjoys trains, trucks, making a mess, and knocking stuff over.  If he can, he will throw something and probably at you (and he has incredible accuracy – so watch your head).  He handles pain differently.  I’ve seen him fall and come up bleeding, only to keep moving to where he wants to be.  Often he wants a boo-boo (yes, I said boo-boo, calm down) recognized, but then he is ready to move.  For him, whatever is happening is usually more important than the pain.

I am very curious as to why there is a difference.  Does the pain feel the same?  Does Seth have a naturally higher pain threshold?  Does Stella better appreciate the love and attention given?  Is Seth just more motivated to keep moving, at all times?  Is Stella more sensitive to when a situation isn’t perfectly in order?  Probably all those factors play a part and I expect there are many more.  But with all that in mind, I come up with one thought:  pain is what we make of it.

From physical to spiritual to emotional, I have faced some pain in my 32 years of life.  Definitely not more than many, but my share.  From broken bones (one little finger has been broken five times – it’s just a finger) to cuts requiring stitches, I’ve had a few normal pains.  A few years ago, I had a bout with diverticulitis.  That was some pain and the eventual surgery wasn’t fun either (I remember handing my wife the morphine clicker and asking her to keep clicking and clicking…and clicking. I don’t care if it hasn’t been seven minutes, try the button!).  Like everyone, I’ve had moments of spiritual doubts.  Times when I’ve been hurt by others, even those I respected or thought cared for me.  And emotionally, life hasn’t been all roses either, losing my mother was easily the toughest moment of my life.  Just like your life, pain has played a part in mine.

So what do I do with pain?  To some degree it is always going to be a part of my life and, like most things in life, I don’t think it has to be negative, must be controlling, or needs to make my life the worst.  Pain is what I make of it.  So what will that be?

1.  I use pain to move forward, never allowing it to hold me back.

Like Seth, I have realized that pain isn’t something that should hold me back.  In fact, some of the best moments come about because of pain.  My wife, Julie, does not love pain.  For most of our life together, I would say she doesn’t do well with it (see me choosing my words carefully – smart husband).  Having kids was a bit of a fear, there is no way around it, birth is going to be painful.  With our daughter Stella, labor meant 28 1/2 hours of uncomfortableness followed by pain.  A few years later Seth was a different experience, his labor came about so fast that Julie was unable to receive an epidural. Yep, birth with no pain meds.  I have never been so proud of Julie, she was so strong.

The fear of pain can hold us back, but if we’re willing to face it, many of the greatest moments and joys of life are found.  I know the pain means nothing to Julie compared to the joy two kids have brought.  I know she’ll face it again.  In many ways the pain makes the parental journey only more meaningful, it illustrates the depth of value she places in her role and life as mother.  The pain that Jesus Christ suffered for me makes my joy all the more valuable.  I appreciate the purpose and meaning my life has, all because of His pain.

In every important area of our life there is a chance for pain – physical, emotional, and spiritual.  Physical pains come and go (or come and stay).  All relationships of value deliver an opportunity to be hurt.  And a walk with God will bring seasons of pain through doubt and misunderstanding.  But in all of this, life is too important for the pain to hold you back.  Allow it to give your decisions further value and continue to move forward!

2.  I keep pain in perspective, and examine the world with a new look on life (and myself).

There are times when I love the opportunity pain creates.  See, every once in a while we are in the kind of pain that debilitates us – we are physically or emotionally zapped (in those moments scream, get alone, do what you need to do).  But, most of the time, pain does not control us and an opportunity arises.

The first opportunity is how we respond while in pain.  I can remember walking through the hospital with a recently broken finger, opening the door for doctors, nurses, and patients, all the while getting looks of ‘shouldn’t I be helping you?’ – I love that!  Even after surgery I tried to be the politest person possible, because pain kept in perspective never stops me from being who I am and remembering what I believe.  Pain gives us an opportunity to show the world what truly resides in our hearts.

There is another opportunity here as well, the opportunity to measure just what sort of person I’d like to be.  Many times we are hurt in relationships by people who misunderstand us or who want to change us.  Pain delivers us a clear view of how the world works, who these people hurting us are, and who we ourselves are.  With this new outlook on life we can move forward with a new change or with simply a better understanding of the world around us.  Pain so often provides incredible clarity.

3.  I allow pain to draw me closer to others.

There are a lot of ways that we connect with other people.  Things that draw us to each other – passions, interests, hobbies, and more.  Maybe we like the same sports teams (Chelsea FC, NY Jets, Philadelphia Phillies), enjoy the same food (Who doesn’t love General Tsos Chicken?  Don’t tell me if it’s you, or our relationship will never be the same.), or enjoy driving the same car (I miss my old Mazda Protege – for real).  But few things connect to all of us like pain does.

Pain makes us real to each other.  Few things catch people’s attention, their heart, their sympathy like pain does. And it unites us so strongly!  Having experienced fairly major surgery has made other people more real to me and I imagine the reverse is just as true.  Who doesn’t feel over a broken heart – we have all been there.  When we turn to heaven in anger from our grief, we find ourselves in a place so many others have been.

This is why Jesus Christ is so compelling.  To face the physical pain of torture and execution is one thing, but to face the pain of feeling the weight of the world’s sins and the distance of God His Father, this is a pain beyond our understanding.  And when we realize He did this for us, it is almost to much to believe. Yet, my heart cries out for what He did and I cling to Someone who would give so much.  His pain has brought me to His feet.

I will never say that I enjoy pain and I may never come to fully understand why we all respond to it differently.  But it is a part of my life and I’ll make of it what I decide.  Don’t allow pain to control your life.  Harness it, use it, and grow from it.  Become a better you because of it.  Above all remember the part pain played in the salvation of the world.  May your use of pain draw others to a better knowledge of the sacrifice Christ made for them.  For through the pain He shouldered, He opened the door for a day where we will finally be free from it.

My Pocket Knife

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Two Christmases ago I was met with a serious dilemma.  My family was unwrapping gifts and, as you can imagine, my daughter Stella (then four) was in a rush to enjoy her presents.  It wasn’t enough to just have each gift unwrapped, they had to be unboxed and enjoyed.  Here’s the issue: toy makers have conspired to seal their prizes behind ridiculous amounts of impenetrable plastic.  For real!  How much protection does a Disney Princess doll require exactly?  The answer – too much!  During that day, to keep things rolling and my daughter stabilized, I had to ask my dad on at least three occasions to borrow his pocket knife.

My ego had been hit.  I felt like my ‘man card’ was on the fritz.  This was unacceptable, I had been raised better than that.  I told my wife on that very same Christmas Day, I was getting a pocket knife and it was becoming a part of my life.

The past two years have seen a new me develop.  My pocket knives have come in handy on so many occasions (and yes I said knives – there are knives for all sorts of occasions).  It feels great when someone needs something cut or sliced and they ask if I have a knife and I can reply – “You bet – I’m a man!”  Boom – pocket knife saves the day!

My pocket knife goes with me wherever I go (well, except airports, government buildings, and certain church events).  My pocket knife doesn’t define me, but it’s there when I need it.  It’s the tool for me.

As a Christian, I’ve come to acquire a few tools that are pretty important to me as well.  One tool is so important I take it everywhere I go and employ it at every available opportunity.  It’s my smile.

I know what you’re thinking, I got suckered in with cool talk about knives and here we are talking about smiles – lame.  Don’t peace out.  My smile is the most important tool I’ve got.  It puts others at ease, it sets the tone, it offers forgiveness and hope, it states my intention, it opens a door, it peacefully brings moments to a close, and maybe, just maybe, it offers a glimpse of Jesus Christ.

There are some situations where it’s all I can offer and some where it’s all I can say.  For some people it may be all they see of me and hopefully for some it’s all they’ll remember.  A smile can lift a heart, heal a hurt, and brighten a day.

As Christians we need to smile more.  Our image hasn’t always been so great with the world.  You know this is true and in many cases that’s not going to be something we can change. Sure, I believe Jesus is the one way to salvation and that He’s the only way to the One True God.  And yes, I do disagree with the lifestyles of many people in this world.  But that doesn’t mean I have to be a jerk about it.

My God has asked me to love and to show love at every occasion.  Life is going to throw moments and opportunities for you to have an impact on someone.  When those moments present themselves, I hope you don’t find yourself scrambling for the tools to succeed.  So make sure your tools are ready and take them everywhere you go.  Smile.

Summer Pt.3 – Vacation Bible School

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Another summer comes to an end.  For most of my life summer has meant three things – Youth Camp, Family Camp, and Vacation Bible School.  Three things that have brought so much to my life.  Three ministries that many would say their ‘time’ or ‘value’ is fading.  As I finish another ‘summer’, I amazed at the impact and life-change these events have brought and I want to share a few thoughts as to the value I see.

Who really likes hosting Vacation Bible School?  I mean seriously – the noises, the whining, the germs, and the smells (don’t forget the smells – they can be potent).  Vacation Bible School (VBS) is a ton of work and at times it feels like glorified baby sitting.  What parent doesn’t want to have a week of having their children entertained most likely for free – that’s the best, but not if you’re the ones running it!  And then, as a leader you realize that your dreams of reaching to community kids is for the most part not happening – you’re just entertaining kids from your church and other churches in the community – for real!  So really – who likes hosting VBS?

Me!  I love Vacation Bible School and while some may refer to it as a ministry of the past, I say they’re just not doing it right! I work at a church that I believe is moving forward. We’re growing and trying to be as relevant to our community and time as possible. Even so, as the years have passed I have found VBS to be only getting more meaningful to us. Here are three awesome reasons why it works for us:

1. We make a statement! VBS is a great opportunity for your church and kid’s ministry to make a statement. First – that children and families are important to you.  Second – a statement about what your children’s ministry will focus on and prioritize.  Through this event we clearly communicate we are about being a fun and safe place where children will feel welcomed to grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ.  We don’t focus on what VBS has been historically – we focus on what we want to be for children and family.

We are creative in the way we communicate the gospel, but we are steadfast in communicating the love of God and His Word.  It costs money because big, ridiculously cool things do, and we want this to be big and ridiculously cool.  Children have a lot of fun opportunities over the summer, but if they’d rather come to our VBS than something else, we’re doing something very right.

2. We recruit new leaders!  Children’s ministries need dedicated volunteers and often this is something that is hard to find.  Vacation Bible School gives you a great opportunity to get new people involved in children’s ministry.  Think about the pros:

  1. They only have to commit for one week.
  2. There are lots of opportunities to serve in low pressure roles (snacks, games, hayrides, inflatables, check-in, etc.).
  3. They get to be a part of the big cool thing happening that week.

VBS can be very attractive to volunteers and it is a great way to find new leaders who will often decide they like it and want to give even more time.  Don’t be afraid to ask people to volunteer, this is an easy commitment.  Always get background checks on everyone (ALWAYS).  Allow people to see the joy in volunteering, they may catch the bug!

3. We build relationships!  The biggest impact in ministry comes through relationships.  But when you only see a child one to three times a week for just a few hours (if that), then building those relationships can be tough.  VBS presents a huge opportunity to grow closer in just a short span of time.

Believe it or not, I have found that people like to check something out a few times, maybe even quite a few times, before they really commit to it – go figure!  (Did you catch the sarcasm?)  I have noticed that for many families that have connected to our church, it took multiple special events for them to “check us out” before they really committed.  VBS is a great opportunity to build that connection and even speed up the process as it gives you a lot of time with a family.  Build relationships with these new children and make sure to connect with their parents every time they pick-up/drop-off their kids.

We’ve created a Vacation Bible School that works for us.  For us that means no crafts, but fantastic snacks (think cotton candy, nachos, Italian ice).  We retired flannel-graphs and instead our Bible stories are shared through the use of costumes, videos, and mega-illustrations.  We like hayrides, making a mess, and renting large inflatables.  It’s not perfect but it’s pretty awesome.  Yes it still smells, it is tiring, and it does cost money.  But the statement, the new faces, and the relationships are well worth it.

Ten Years Later…

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My wife and I have never felt like we are each others ‘soul-mates’.   True story!   We’re officially 10 years in and as happy as you can possibly imagine.  Actually, probably happier than you can imagine, and very secure in our relationship.  We have our moments, our ups and downs.  Like all husbands I can have my idiot times (and like all wives, she is completely perfect at all moments – at least that is what I am allowed to say).  We’ve had some incredible victories:  a fun “how we met tale”, surviving a stretch of long-distance, a special proposal and a nice sized rock, a beautiful wedding to remember, saving our purity for the wedding night, making two different houses home, creating the two cutest kids in the world, building each others’ careers and potential, all the while finding time to snuggle almost every day (I know, barf – but it’s true and she’ll appreciate this).  With all this said, with this just being the tip of the iceberg in terms of the trust, devotion, love, and care we’ve experienced, yeah, we still won’t say we’re ‘soul-mates’.

Could we be a bit ridiculous in this?  Wikipedia says a ‘soul-mate’ is someone with whom you have a feeling of deep or natural affinity.  That doesn’t sound like a big deal – if that is all it takes then maybe Jimmy Fallon and I are soul-mates (and the person who created General Tso’s Chicken and the inventors of Mountain Dew).  I believe we usually think of soul-mates as something more.  They’re supposed to be that one person that so wonderfully matches with who we are and what we want to be that they just bring about perfection.  It drives us to start throwing up phrases like “You complete me!” and “I’m nothing without you!” or even “You make me happy!” – blah!  And this is where we have a problem with soul-mates.

The idea that I need someone else in this world in order to be completed is hilarious.  Let me be very clear – my wife doesn’t complete me, my God completes me.  And as ruggedly handsome as I am – Julie (that’s my wife) finds completion in God as well and definitely not in me.  It is almost sad to think that we have to find another person in this world to feel like life is complete, that we haven’t reached full value until we’ve found that someone. Julie adds so much to my life.  She has made me a better person in the best of ways – somehow she makes my strengths greater while helping my weaknesses disappear.  I am more because of her and I’ve gone further because of her, but I am complete because of God.

The problem is we are all lacking something in life.  We do have a hole to fill.  We want so badly to fill it. To put the pieces of life together, to give us purpose, to be appreciated and valued here on earth, and simply to not be lonely. But if we’re looking for a person to do all that, we’re going to get frustrated. What are the real chances of finding a soul-mate to make all that happen? Just ask Dwight Schrute: “Oh, not likely. Three billion women on the planet, most of them live in Asia, so the numbers just don’t add up.” (The Office, Season 5, Episode 18).

That hole can only be filled by the God we were created to seek after.  If we try to fill that hole with a person we not only give that person too much power, we set ourselves up for disappointment, and we clearly undervalue ourselves.

You’re never nothing without someone! In fact, Paul seems to feel in 1Corinthians 7 that as a single person you have more value! I have never known exactly what to do with these thoughts of his, as they seem not to work well in our culture. But they ring true to me: a single adult has the ability to much more openly give of their time to God’s service. And as a church we need to be willing to embrace single ministers and members who can give so much.

There is still the issue of happiness.  I gain a ton of happiness from my wife. In fact, if I could give any “single and looking” person advice on finding a good match, it would be to find someone who makes you smile and laugh a lot!  You can figure out how to make a lot of things work in a relationship, but laughter is often either there or it’s not, and you want it to be there.

With that said, happiness is a decision.  I choose to find happiness in my wife.  Without her it would have been up me to choose to find happiness in something else.  Hey, there are quite a few married people not choosing to find happiness in their spouse.  To those people I would say the opportunity to change your decision is yours to take.  Whatever your life is like, God has given you the opportunity to choose happiness.  That’s on you and no one else.

For my devotions I have recently read the book of Ecclesiastes (not high on my list of Bible books to just read for fun…).  A part of chapter 5 stuck out to me that I feel pertains here:

18 Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them, and to accept their lot in life. 19 And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life—this is indeed a gift from God. (NLT)

It is up to you to enjoy what you have and that is indeed a gift from God.  I don’t think God specifically made Julie and I for each other.  We were given an opportunity and we found happiness there.  We made a marriage covenant and I do believe God will bless that as we hold firmly to it.

These have been the best 10 years of my life and I look forward to the next 10, they’re going to be even better.  And yours could be as well – find fulfillment and completion in God, not in something here on earth, know that you have incredible purpose and great opportunities to bring meaning to your life and the Kingdom of God, and lastly remember that you get to choose to be happy, don’t let what you have or may not have steal your joy in life.

Summer Pt.2 – Youth Camp

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Another summer comes to an end for me.  Now maybe summer isn’t officially over, but for me it is.  For most of my life summer has meant three things – Youth Camp, Family Camp, and Vacation Bible School.  Three things that have brought so much to my life.  Three ministries that many would say their ‘time’ or ‘value’ is fading.  As I finish another ‘summer’, I amazed at the impact and life-change these events have brought and I want to share a few thoughts as to the value I see.

Throughout my life, especially my teenage years, there have been different versions of me.  Let me explain.  There was School Justin, Jr. High Soccer Justin, Family Justin, Church Justin, Cross-Country Justin, and the list could go on and on.  Different versions of me for the different places, people, and cultures in my life (and man was it awkward when some of those cultures collided – I know you’ve been there!).  Of all the “Justins” out there though, my favorite to be was always Youth Camp Justin.

What makes Youth Camp Justin so special?  Youth Camp Justin was the best!  He was free from all the restraints and pressures of the society around him to fit in and meet a social norm.  He was a Justin who didn’t have to work at looking out for himself because he was in a place where he was accepted and loved.  He was a Justin proud of the God and Savior he followed and to whom he devoted his life.  He was unashamed of serving Jesus and excited to stand as an example for Him.  Youth Camp Justin was on fire, courageous, hopeful, and light-hearted.  He  could light up others’ lives so easily with his steadiness and patient smile.  Ready to say to the world, “You be you, I’m going to be like Jesus.”

Few places in life so easily allowed me to be that person.  There were glimpses of that person at home and church, but the nature and culture of youth camp so easily brought it alive.  Every year of youth camp it became my dream to be that person all the time, for there not to be different versions of Justin but for me to become completely and utterly the Justin I liked so much.

As much as I wanted it to, it didn’t happen immediately.  Pressures are tough, wanting to fit in is real, confidence isn’t just bought, friends aren’t always helpful.  But that person I was at youth camp started to make a difference.  It was that version of me that made a pledge of purity and stuck with it.  It was that version that kept me away from drugs, alcohol, and tobacco.  It was that version that found life in spreading hope and seeing God’s light open others’ hearts.  And year after year, youth camp after youth camp, that Justin slowly took over, slowly came to dominate every part, every aspect, every avenue of me.  Today, I like to believe that every part of my life is that Youth Camp Justin.

I believe so strongly in youth camp.  Sometimes I am pretty sure I slightly offend people when I try to promote this event to them.  I probably come off a bit strong, a bit dramatic (that does sort of fit with youth ministry though – am I right or am I right?).  I simply want so badly for every teenager to see the youth camp version of himself or herself.  To have a chance to dream about what life would be like if they became that person.

Parents and leaders of teenagers – I could try to sell you on the opportunity to see great speakers, to participate in dynamic worship, to experience great events and building moments, or even plug the greatness of 5 teenager-free days!  Instead, I’ll simply ask this – Have your teenagers had a chance to see the best version of themselves?  To dream about the person in Christ they could become?

Teenagers – Life doesn’t have to be about fitting in.  You don’t have to settle for society’s desire for who you are and how you’ll live your life.  Find the best version of you, the you YOU love to be, and bring that version to life everyday.

As a pastor I hear so many stories about youth camp.  Stories of husbands and wives meeting at camp or dramatic moments of teenagers accepting Jesus Christ for the very first time!  These are the best.  I didn’t find my wife at camp and I had already accepted Christ into my heart at least 7 times before I was considered a teenager.  But youth camp is where I met the best version of myself and for that I’ll be forever grateful.