There are quite a few reasons why a small house isn’t great (Reason #9 – When you cook bacon, everything smells like bacon.  You think that’s a good thing, but it’s not.).  With that said, there is one great reason why I love our small house.   All our activity happens basically in one place.  We snack, watch TV, read, work, do crafts, play video games, surf the internet, play on our iPads, and so much more within an arm’s reach of each other.  As our family grows bigger I know we are going to upgrade.  But however large our house is, our plan is to make sure to create a ‘Family Room’ or space, so that this closeness never disappears.

A ‘Family Room’ is not just that room you allow your kids to trash (that’s just called I don’t want to have to pick up after my kids or train them to pick up after themselves).  Having a true ‘Family Room’ means creating a place where your family co-exists together.  It doesn’t mean having to do the same things together (although it could sometimes), it means doing the separate things you love together – in the same space and time.  This sounds simple, almost not worth mentioning, but it can do wonders for any family!

Do you need a family space?  Let’s pose three questions to help find your answer.

1.  Have you had the opportunity to speak with your children about the things most important to you and them?  Do you know where their spiritual life is at?  Have you connected about their future?  Do you know their dreams and desires?  You probably don’t need to explain the ‘birds and the bees’, but have you communicated about your hopes and expectations for them as they enter into relationships?

Communication.  Relationships are built on communication (and good food – you want to make a relationship better, get some Chinese food).  In today’s culture, family schedules are more hectic than ever.  It is amazing to me the busy life that even our 4 year old has.  All parents should be intentional about talking to their children about the important things in life.  If you are not influencing their thoughts in these areas – who is?  Parents – give yourself opportunities to have these conversations, you should be the biggest influence in their lives right now.  All children need time to process things, to understand the ‘whys’, and to hear things from their parents’ hearts.  Create a safe place with safe moments where communication can flow.

2.  What are you allowing into your house unmonitored?  Who are you allowing your children to invite into their bedrooms and other private places in your house through the use of social media and technology?  What are you children watching on TV?  What are they seeing and sharing on their iPhone, iPod, iPad, computer, Xbox, etc.?  Are you monitoring your children’s use of apps?  Have you even heard of Instagram, SnapChat, Kik, Yik Yak, Whisper, and Down to name a few?  And do you know if your children are using these?

Accountability.  Everyone, not just children, need to be held accountable for their social media and technology use.  The danger is three-fold:  What are you seeing?  What are you sharing?  Who is getting private information about your family?  What would happen if the use of all these things took place while your family is together, close together?  The use of these devices are so much safer when parents are around.  And let’s be honest, this is great for us adults as well because our filter is in place when little ears and eyes are around.  We can’t hide ourselves from the use of social media, electronic devices, and entertainment.  But we can learn how to use them properly together.  Create rules and standards for your family’s use of these things.  Protect your family, make temptation difficult.

3.  Do you ever feel distant from your family?  Does your home feel like home or is it just a place to rest and fuel?  Is your house a safe place that your family can retreat to?  Do your children ever have moments where they’d just prefer to be at home?  Does it feel like your family is working together or drifting apart?

Harmony.  Harmony doesn’t mean doing the same thing, it means doing different things and allowing them to blend together in a wonderful way.  I know this sounds touchy-feely and nobody wants that (but you can handle it).  I love when my family is all together.  I am the youngest of five children and usually twice a year all of us get together.  It is the best.  Even in the moments when we’re not doing anything officially together, just being together feels so much like home.  With my own wife and kids there is nothing better than a lazy Saturday morning, when we’re just together.  Life feels right.  Make sure your home is not a glorified hotel room, but a place your family grows together.

Sure, a small house isn’t always great (Reason #21 – You can’t sneak a piece of chocolate without being discovered.).  Some of us spend tons of money so that we have a place we can actually spread out in.  But how is spreading out actually helping you?  Keep your big, medium, or small house – just make sure your family has a place to come together and connect.  Create a safe place to explore what the world has to offer and make sure that needed conversations happen in a place where everyone can open up their hearts.  It will take time, effort, and possibly some inconvenience, but your family is worth it.